A woman’s value is NOT based on her BRA size

True Story:

I was at Target with my sister.  She needed to buy her daughter (who is a year younger than Kass)  a bra for the first time.  She wanted me to help and I decided to buy one for Kass as well.  We were looking through the juniors department and I picked up one I knew would fit her daughter and a similar one for Kass.  Without revealing the size here in print, I made the statement how Kass was getting close to wearing my size already.  My sister in a shocked voice said, “You are still in size *&?”  “YES, thank you very much, I am,” I replied.

I have always been thin. Even as an adult I have kept my small frame and thereby I’m not very big -- in any area of my proportions (if you get my drift).  But just because I am a small framed woman, doesn’t mean I am any less of a woman. 

Now for my sister’s benefit (she reads this occasionally) I know she meant nothing negative by that comment.  As a matter of fact she followed by saying, “Well even though you are small, the good thing is you kept your metabolism.”  So all is well between us.  No worries, sis.

A woman’s bra size doesn’t determine her value. But this brings me to my point:  Women are constantly concerned about their appearance and many times equate their self-worth based on their perception of that appearance.  Some think their size is too large while others think they are too small or not proportioned correctly. (Ladies, am I right?) But in fact we are all different and are all seeking for that perfect size that doesn’t exist. (Let me interject here: There is something to be said for eating healthy and exercising consistently; I am not speaking of simply trying to stay healthy in this blog post.)  But this obsession about body appearance is proven every January by the fad diets that are promoted and advertised because so many people (women especially) are listing diet as their new year’s resolution.  How we think of ourselves and our appearance affects our confidence, don’t you agree?

In preparation for a podcast interview about appearance, I put together six keys about inner beauty and self worth.  I plan to share these in the coming weeks in parts 1, 2 and 3; so be sure and subscribe to the RSS feed or emails above, if you don’t already receive updates, so you will get a chance to read the keys about self-worth and feeling confident ‘in your own skin.’

Back to my story:

After Kass tried on the bra in the size I bought her, we realized it was too small.  I had to take it back and actually get her the same size I wear after all!  I knew she would catch up with me soon, but not this soon.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: photoXpress.com \ cvrgrl

Technorati Tags: bra,self worth,self-esteem,confidence,body appearance,obsessions,diets,body size

No, Everything is not going to be ok

When I read this title on Seth Godin’s blog this week, it made me stop in my tracks.   What do you mean, it’s not going to be ok?  But read that title again, it says “everything”.  He goes on to say more about this thought:  how change is inevitable which brings more change and that some things will get better with change – but other things will get worse.  That is the cycle of life.  Yet we seek the reassurance, that it will all be ok.  And at times we lie to each other and say, Yes, everything is going to be ok. “But everything is never ok.”

It is true isn’t it?  Some families will fall apart and get divorced, while other singles are finding true love, some for the second or third time.  Marriages that are thriving in their relationships might be dealing with financial problems.  One friend will lose his job at the same time another finds a better one.  At any one point in time “everything” will not be ok, not all at once.  Even as a Christian I can say EVERYTHING is never completely ok. So instead of seeking reassurance of that perfection in life, it might make for a smoother ride if we can accept the fact, there will be some bad along with the good for each of us in our lives.  Focusing on the good helps – and developing a strategy to deal with the bad also helps as we face this fact.

My brother is still working through his depression.  He is getting better (thanks to all of you who have been praying for him) and is continuing therapy.  Encouragement and support are definitely what he needs right now.  But blindly telling him that the problems that were going on in his life before this depression hit, will somehow magically disappear is a falsehood and unrealistic.  Instead I am encouraging him about getting better and stronger emotionally and mentally but also gently reminding him that there will still be the “stuff” he has to deal with on the other side of this.  Right now he just needs to focus on getting better so he can deal with that stuff…later on… like the rest of us deal with our own stuff.

So when you are tempted to say to someone, “Everything is going to be ok.”  Stop and think, but is it?

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu/…/amirhd

2010 – THE LIST: Monthly Missions

In contemplating what my list would be like for 2010 I tried to remember my list from 2009.  How much had I accomplished?

I actually read more than the three books outside of book club and was even approached to do reviews for some.  I tackled the half bath but not the main bath as planned.  The painting in the kitchen ended up being only a touchup job and redoing the countertop… does that count?  And I didn’t keep up with playing board games with the kiddos every week; just once in a while.  But I did start writing my book and I ended up buying my son’s laptop when he started high school.

Over the last few days I finished a book I won from www.Mothersclick.com: Up For Renewal by Cathy Alter.  The book was funny and interesting with it’s tongue in cheek approach to life lessons and self improvement tactics through advice she found in the latest popular magazines.  It was truly humorous and an enjoyable read.  She has quite the whimsy voice in her writing and a witty way of sharing her developing love story. 

She made a pact for 12 months (each devoted to one focus of her self-improvement agenda) that she would rely on magazines to offer her advice in each of the focuses for her life and personal development.  The first month after she began she devoted to ‘diet’ and the rest ranged from bettering her relationships to bettering herself and her sex-life.*

I loved the way she talks about what leads up to her year summation of turning her life over to magazines, through witty and comical reactions that I could see myself doing in some instances.  Finally she summarizes she was not only subscribing her life to magazines but was also subscribing to change and working through the transitions it required for her to get out of a bad relationship and even a rotten job… Cute, cute story – that gets you thinking about changes you might want to work on in your own life.

So after reading the book, even though I was entertained by her humor and her approach to personal development, it also got me thinking… for my list this coming new year I want to focus on just 12 to-do items and have one assigned to each month of the year: my monthly missions.  Now I won’t be listing improving my sex-life (since I don’t have a sex life, by choice while I am still single) nor will I be consulting the latest popular magazines for advice in accomplishing these missions; instead I may seek advice from close friends/mentors, my pastor, or my counselor.  I will also focus on researching for info from blogging communities and other website resources.  (If it’s on the web it has to be true and good advice, right? Just kidding.) 

In fact breaking this down into monthly missions may help me keep up with the list and actually fulfill the goals each month further serving as a measuring rod for accomplishing what I want to set out for myself as attainable in 2010, what do you think?

So here is what I came up with:

Personal Improvements List for 2010

January – Improve my financial discipline by reevaluating my budget, expenses, and other means of possible income.

February – Improve my one year relationship with Mr. M.  Plans are to work on this through counseling and self-awareness techniques.

March – Improve my personal appearance through nutrition and other beauty regimens. (I chose this for this month because it’s my birthday month and … it’s a big one this year!)

April – Improve my spiritual walk.  I want to focus on establishing a more disciplined daily personal devotions time.  And I still plan to read the devotional book, Love Dare (this serves two purposes).

May – Improve my relationship with my kiddos by finding ways to make our time together more qualitative through playing games and interacting more in conversation.

June – Increase my knowledge in an area of my choosing.  I may take a summer class or a seminar.

July – Improve my physical fitness.  I already have some ideas of what I need to put together for a routine and may start this before July but this will be the focus month.

August – Improve one room in the house through home improvement projects.  Plans are still to tackle that main bathroom. 

September – Improve my writing and blogging skills as well as networking.

October – Improve my skills on the job and proficiency in the office through administration.

November – Improve entertaining friends and family by planning early for the holidays and up and coming birthdays that are around the corner.

December – Improve my time management. (This is the most hectic time of the year for me personally, it seems.)

That’s my list for 2010. 

What all do you have on your list for 2010?

Find yourself… keeping it real.

*Let me just share my disclaimer here in the fact that even though I enjoyed the book, I don’t condone her choices in the level of intimacy she talks about in the book with her relationships.  I simply have learned that when I disagree with specific things in a book, I can still take away from the experience with other things that are appreciated and filter the rest.  So overall – it was a good read.

Photo Credit: http://gorx9395.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/mission.jpg

Technorati Tags: relationships,magazines,book review,Up For Renewal,Cathy Alter,Real Simple,subscriptions,new years,resolutions,life goals,personal development,self-improvement,writing,blogging

List for Newlyweds, Part 1 of 5

I was asked to prepare a list of what I would tell young married couples during the first five years of their marriage – that I wish I had been told back then.  I know what you are thinking… “but you aren’t married anymore.”  EXACTLY!  And four plus years after a divorce from a marriage that lasted about 12 years has taught me a great deal.  I have learned some things at this stage of life that I wish I had known back when I got married.  Because I am long winded, I  have decided to break up the list of ten things into separate blog posts… to keep from wearing you out.  Today is the first two of my top ten:

1.  FORGET THE FAIRYTALE: 

High Expectations? …drop them.  There is no fairytale romantic happily-ever-after in any relationship.  If someone tells you they have the fairytale, they are lying!  Plus high expectations can be very stressful for your partner if he or she realizes your expectations are unreachable.  Who needs that kind of pressure?

2.  SOUL MATE - NO SUCH THING : 

There is no such thing as a soul mate.  Your mate will never be perfect, no matter who you choose or whom you chose.   God gives us the wisdom and ability through life experiences and learning about WHO WE ARE to make a good life partner choice. 

Maybe you had more than one option before you made this decision, and don’t fret that you might not have PICKed the RIGHT one.  Sadly there is no magic Mr. Right out there for you to stumble upon, and that chemistry you felt when you first met… will disappear.  Anticipate the chemistry dissipating because the newness and novelty of this wonderful guy (or girl) will wear off. 

So if it’s chemistry you feel (or that you are looking for) – you are in limerence – not in love.  Your foundation for your marriage should be based on more of a foundation of common goals, beliefs, and traits – not that chemistry or limerence you felt early on. 

You should start building that foundation now if you married based on chemistry alone and thinking this must be Mr. Right.  Because, and I quote here from the article: Governors, Quarterbacks, and Soul Mates by Joe Beam, President of Love Path International, “There is not one passage in the Bible that teaches that God has the perfect person for us out there somewhere. And there is no passage that tells us how to know if we actually encountered that person if such a person exists. Should we base it on how we feel? …that won’t work either. Why? Limerence fades away. Always.”  You simply need something more than that euphoric feeling to build your future – your stable future – upon.

I wrote these first two ideas from experience, basically; my own and from watching other couples’ relationships.  So I am not simply sharing my point of view as jaded, cynical ideas.  I also found the article referenced intriguing and it hit my point, nailed it in fact; plus it gave me a great new term to reference the idea (limerence).   Can you say limerence?

When I found myself facing divorce, I was thankful to realize I wasn’t walking away from the one perfect guy God intended for me to be with.  I don’t take the big D lightly; you know my story.  Divorce isn’t the blissful choice you make to get away from someone out of convenience; but when your mate’s choices dictate the only obvious route to take… it’s nice to know that he (or she) wasn’t the ‘one and only’ perfect mate chosen by God. Maybe that doesn’t make sense when you read it… but think about it. 

How do you feel about the advice I listed so far …for young newlyweds? 

Do you believe in Soul Mates?

How would you recommend couples develop a better foundation if they married their partner based on chemistry alone?

Share your comments below.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

PHOTO CREDIT: http://www.heritagecarriages.com.au/Horses/Photos/Buddy/Wedding1.JPG

Technorati Tags: divorced,marriage,couples,relationships,soul mates,romance,fairytale

Brand New School, Stages, and Cheerleaders, OH My

I sat in the brand spanking new auditorium/amphitheater amongst freshmen students and a few parents scattered here and there Thursday for the freshmen orientation.  Jas will be starting high school Tuesday, and he is a part of history as his is the first class to start in the brand new school that was just built and opened for the first time this school year.  It had been my high school back in the day… but now with all the classes, theaters, credit union branch, and cafeteria inside the new building it was a totally new world.

The drum line started the orientation with a presentation on stage that was quite impressive followed by cheerleaders… doing their thing – their bouncy, flouncy, jiggy with it, thing.  Yes I know I am officially a mom… and officially a mom of a son when I found myself wanting to run up on stage and share with one of those girls what a support bra was.  I found it difficult not to stare at her with the fitted white tee … while she bounced (literally) all over the stage.  Why would they put her on the front row when there were four rows of girls up there dancing and doing routines?  I mean they were all in fitted tees and skinny jeans, but she had the “bouncing” going o-v-e-r-board.

Ok, I digress….

Otherwise, the day went great.  Jas has most of his classes with the other three Governor School students that were accepted from his middle school.  That day I experienced it with him as his shadow… going to all the classes he will have at the high school before transporting over to G.S. for the rest of the day.  It was chaos and the new building is well laid out and absolutely awesome  but it’s about a fourth of a mile from the front lobby over to the freshmen wing… so we did a lot of walking.

I let my mind wander and I began to worry about all the things my fourteen year old will have to face with growing up, starting high school, and all the temptations that come with boys and their teenage years.  But I also reminded myself… I have done the best I could to get him to this point, I have tried to instill in him a foundation of faith and morals as well as respect for those over him.  And I have an open door of communication that he knows is there and we use it when we can with each other.  (I like to know what he’s thinking.)  Now I guess… the rest is up to him.  Yes I plan to still be there to encourage him and remind him of the very things I have taught him… but in many ways… I have to let go now…. a little more…. for this next stage of his life. 

But it’s so hard.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/1433/PreviewComp/SuperStock_1433R-947491.jpg

Technorati Tags: teenage years,cheerleaders,high school,parenting,governor's School,growing up years,stages of life

…And About “The Talk”

The Talk

Do you remember the post about the doctor telling me it was time for ‘the talk’ with little Kass?  Are you struggling with  the topic of puberty and your elementary school age child?

Well I have eluded to the topic with her on occasion and made sure I had shared some of the basics.  But of course, I didn’t feel totally prepared for the long-drawn-out version of “the talk.”  At least not to the point where I wanted to open the floor for more in-depth questions and I don’t think she felt comfortable doing so anyway.

Book Giveaway!

Then a few weeks back I was approached by Healthy Edudynamics about reviewing a book titled, 101 Questions Kids Really Ask… And The Answers They Need To Know.  They sent me a free copy and I started reading the book.  Let me first say I am impressed and appreciative of the approach to the material.  So much so that I have an extra brand-new copy of 101 Questions Kids Really Ask… I want to give away to one of my readers along with a preview of “A Time to Talk,” a new DVD-based program that gives parents and teachers the necessary tools to begin early with age-appropriate, straight-forward, and accurate dialogue.

Some topics for conversation during such a “talk” about puberty can lead to discussing personal choices – choices a family has to make for themselves and provide as a guide for their children’s way of thinking.  This book adapts to that concept by leading you to input more of your personal choices when it comes to discussing morals and boundaries instead of making those decisions for you in it’s content.  To see what I mean, here is an example. 

This excerpt is taken from the text of the book:

**What is sex?

There are many slang terms for all types of intercourse.  When asked a question that includes a slang term, begin your answer with statement No. 1.

1. That is a slang term for ____________________.

2. Give the definition for the behavior in questions based on the above definitions. (These definitions are outlined in the book in the previous section)

TEACHABLE MOMENT – If children should ask technique or “how to” questions related to intercourse, a parent should acknowledge the question, perhaps try to find out what the child knows or has heard about the topic, and then answer or not answer based on the information the child states and using the personal values of the family. ** Excerpt taken from page 78, Section: Questions About Sensitive Issues.

As you see here, you are able to use the material and yet impart your own ideals as you share the information with your son or daughter.  On the flip side even if you use this material with a small civic group or church group of young people, the content allows you to provide an answer, yet gear the children to what needs to be asked of their parents when they get home so they can elaborate about it.  This gives the family the final say and more control over how their children should be taught in these more sensitive and personal areas.

It also discusses other questions kids have… like “What is French Kissing?”  So it is not just about the sensitive issues… but also a tool for other related conversations about harassment and self esteem/body image issues.

Remember our children, no matter how sheltered, will be exposed to information.  As they get older and closer to middle school age especially, they will ‘hear’ things and may know more than you think they do…already.  Don’t you want them to see you (their mom or dad) as an easy-to-talk to resource?  Keep that door open and gentle… not judging.

Helpful Resource

I think this book can be very helpful for parents and group leaders alike; plus it gives you a jumpstart to beginning such a conversation in a down-to-earth, “this is what other kiddos are thinking and asking” kind of way. 

I plan to use this tool as a resource on this topic of puberty and “the talk” and you might want to check it out too. 

You have a chance to receive a free copy right here.

If you would like to receive this extra free copy of the book and resource DVD about “The Talk” all you have to do is leave me a comment.  One name will be chosen from the comments on this post over the next week, so leave your email address to be contacted or a profile connection with an email linked to it.

Seriously, if you are in the stage with one of your children where “the talk” is coming up soon, you have to check out this book, 101 Questions Kids Really Ask… (And I was surprised at how early that stage really is.)

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: sex education,puberty,children,free book,facts of life,healthy

dealing with disappointments

If you have went through the big D (and I don't mean Dallas), then you know how it can be a real court battle of fight after fight.  This is especially true when it comes to how much time you get to spend with the children.  Mr. M. had another custody hearing recently and the verdict was in favor of the mother, even though the children's law guardian encouraged  extra days with their father. 

When things don't go your way and you were hoping so hard and praying with all your might, you do - at times - feel like - giving up.  Giving up on the battle and giving up on your faith. 

Why doesn't God look down and just straighten all this out? 

He can, but many times I've witnessed He doesn't do it the way we want or in the timing we want.  It's not that God doesn't care or that we are just a bunch of ants running around and He is up there watching us in our own frivolous nature.  It's just that this is par for the course when it comes to divorce.  It can get ugly and it is full of disappointments. Unless the mother is a drug dealing addict drunk on the street corner every night, most judges are not going to pull kids away from time with their moms even if their dads are upright citizens and great mentors.  I'm not saying this is right - I'm just saying what I have witnessed with other friends dealing with custody battles and again here with Mr. M.

It goes without saying, there will be many times we will feel major disappointment. We will feel like God let us down.  But remember, God isn't doing this to us.  The situation of divorce, in this case, is the culprit... and the other parties (who have a free will) that are being difficult, not God.   In fact, God is the One who brings us peace and serenity, if we let Him.  I've felt it before, have you?

Let me just say I have witnessed personally some divine miracles.  So I know he can intervene.... from healing family situations to healing a disease.  My aunt's marriage was healed and one of my best friends growing up was healed of Muscular Dystrophy; so I believe in miracles.  But not every request is answered the same way.

So how do we deal?

How do we keep our faith intact when we seem to get knocked down or knocked out for the fight... when we don't want to bother getting back up?  We have to keep our faith. 

It's not easy; and sometimes we take one step at a time or just one moment at a time: knowing God is still there, even if we are mad at Him at the moment as a result of the situation.  You will feel the emotions that result from consequences.  Emotions don't mean we are no longer Christians - far from it.  We have to be realistic in our expectations when it comes to our faith.  Remember, we are still human and we do have feelings.  What we do with those feelings is our choice.  And that's where making the right choices come in.  How we choose to go from here in reaction to our disappointment and our emotion of anger... that will be where we steer the course for our faith.  Will we keep praying and believing?  Or will we turn our back on what we have known to be a stronghold, our help in troubling situations?

During these times, it would be nice to see the higher view of this bigger picture of life that is being painted, the one we just cannot see.  Then we might understand why things don't quite work out the way we hoped, or the way we planned.

Bad things happen to good people.  There's no rhyme or reason behind it.  God doesn't just "let" it happen.  It's a part of living in an imperfect world and the consequences of such imperfection.  This is not to suggest that prayer isn't powerful, or that we shouldn't pray.  But when things don't go completely our way, I hope we can refrain, even in the moments of anger and other emotions that run wild, from having bitterness set in and taking over.

God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good.

Find yourself...keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: disappointments,faith,divorce,emotions,human-nature

Photo Credit: http://dogsounds.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/sad20face.jpg

The Day My World Stood Still

Several weeks back I was contacted by Jenay about writing "my story" as a single mom for her blog titled Single Parent Inspirations.  I tossed around the idea in my head after telling her yes, I would do it because I wanted to try to capture the essence without all the ugliness of how I became a single mom, while at the same time keeping it real.

Here is the post.....in it's entirety... but also take a minute to visit: Single Parent Inspirations.

That day, 6 years ago, I left the bondage of which I found myself a victim. I left the man whose love had turned into violent jealousy and possessiveness as I became his obsession. That day I became a single mom; even before the papers were signed for the final big D, I stepped out and took that leap… into singlemomhood. Ready or not, there I was.

Taking one step at a time during my journey that day I proceeded toward the magistrate to get my protective order. Going through the motions, but doing what I knew I finally had to do. Those steps turned into the journey that with each passing step, each passing day, led to my freedom. A freedom I know today, that makes me thank Jesus every time I remember what He released me from, and the peace He gave me as I struggled with the decision to leave a bad relationship, a bad marriage.

I consider myself to be a product of all my trials and tribulations as well as my successes. Stronger for the battles I have faced; patient for the times I waited on the Lord and endured; and wiser for the decisions I made, because some were not so wise. There were many times when life lessons came along that path, some I learned quickly, and others I am still learning over and over again, trying to understand. Realizing a simple life is a good life as we all should get back to basics and live within our means. Sacrificing to make that a reality, I sought to be debt free (other than a mortgage) and count that another success that wasn’t easy to achieve but doable with some determination and discipline.

My children are indeed my joy, my treasures, my reason I will never regret marrying their father. They do give me purpose and I want them to be faithful, driven, inspired individuals that remember their heritage but strive to change the world in their future.

Each passing day I try to take time to stop, look, and listen. To stop and realize the moment passing and the joy that can be found in it. To look and see how much my children especially are changing right in front of my eyes; and to listen to the laughter, the voices, the heartbeat of those around me…. so I don’t miss it. Holding them all in my heart so that I may someday pull those memories back out…caressing them as I relive them when I am older and my children are off in their newly created worlds, living life, and changing the world.

As a single mom… looking back from where I was… to where I am today… I am grateful for the blessings and grateful for the peace. Jesus helped me take those necessary steps that day, and continued to walk with me as I took one step at a time marking my new life… as a single mom. And this single mom is happy, enjoying life while raising two children, working a full-time job for a non-profit organization, dating again, and maintaining a house – making it a home. Sometimes it takes sacrifice… but it’s so worth it.

*****************************************

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: divorce,single parents,peace,new life,freedom

Disconnected or Distracted

Disconnected or Distracted

At the present, I have chosen for more than one reason not to have the Internet available at home.  My personal reasons include budgetary issues as well as dealing with how much time it can rob our family when we have limited hours in the evening to be together in the first place.   Now my kiddos still have access to the Internet, just the same, even though it's not within the four walls of our house.  My son has access at the library near his campus after school until I get off work each day.  My daughter comes to my office after school where she will occasionally spend her time on the web on sites like http://www.bratz.com or http://www.millsberry.com/... after she is finished her homework.

Where in the World Wide Web are They?

But many moms and dads alike do not have all the information they need when it comes to providing a safety-zone for their children online.  So if you have Internet and your kiddos are using it regularly, you should ask yourself the question, "Do you know where your kiddos are?"  ... on the world wide web that is....

Check out this website with some information on parenting controls while your kiddos are on the Internet: http://www.protectourkidsontheweb.com/ 

Surveys Revealed...

Here are a few facts I pulled from their information to share here:

Did you know…?

• …the Internet is mostly used by children to play online?
• …file-downloading is more common among boys than girls?
• …the main risks children associate with the Internet are viruses and hacking?
• …children tend to under-estimate the problem of pages with unwanted content (access to pornographic or violent pages)?
• …most children learn how to use the Internet on their own?
• …children between 9 and 10 connect an average of 3-4 times a week and many children between 12 and 14 use the Internet almost every day?
• …girls usually tend to use chats and instant messaging programs and send emails, while boys tend to play online and download files?
• …European children believe that what they learn at school regarding the Internet is very basic and that think they know more than their teachers?

Sources: PandaLabs, Panda Security, “Safer Internet for Children” report of the European Commission.

According to our local radio station (SunnyFM) additional survey findings include:

• 27% worry the most that children will give out personal information; and 17% rank viruses, worms and other malware as the most dangerous threat.
• 35% use parental controls to help protect their children from online threats.
• More than one-third of respondents say they monitor their children’s online activity all of the time; one-third monitor activity “sometimes” and one quarter never monitor their children’s online activities.
• Of the 58% of respondents who know their children chat online, 14% said they do not know who their child is talking to, and only 52% know what their child’s online username is.
• 7% say either they or their child have been a victim of an online attack

So don't let any of our kiddos be victims because of unawareness.  Stay on track and provide a safety-zone out there on the net.  Be "in the know" when it comes to their whereabouts and their personal perception of the web.

Share Parenting Control Tips

If you have some tips and tricks or special parenting control websites you would like to share... please share them in the comments below.

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Photo Credit:  http://partners.sympatico.msn.ca/content/feeds/videos/purevideo/entertainment_sv_20071206_Angry_German_Kid.jpg 

Technorati Tags: website safety,children on the web,parenting controls,monitoring internet usage,world wide web,surveys

My Funny Valentine

Dear Kass:

You gave me this valentine a few days ago. It was early for Valentine ’s Day but you had made it while sitting in class after finishing your work earlier that day. You said you made several but you included me. That was so sweet. You also gave me a box of chocolates you bought while staying with your cousin C this past weekend.

Thanks Kass for making my Valentine’s Day extra special.

Oh and I should tell you. I know you are growing up into a young lady… and I know that means lots (and lots) of changes. But please try not to have so many meltdowns, ok? Mommy loves you, but sometimes I don’t even know what to do when you get so upset over the little things, like biting into a piece of that chocolate candy you gave me, realizing it had peanut butter inside, and thinking it might have been part of the recent peanut butter recall. (Quick note, you didn’t die from eating it.)

It seemed to help you feel better when I said I thought your recent moods and behavior may be attributed to becoming a “big girl/young woman.” But remember you can’t use that as an excuse, ok?

Seriously, I hope you know what a special young lady you are, even if you do get a little excited sometimes.   I love you!

Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweety!

Love, Mom

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: Valentine's Day,women,moms,girls,meltdown,growing,love,candy,chocolate,peanut butter,peanut butter recall

Single Moms and Their Son’s Firsts

Wow

All moms know how their child’s firsts in everything are a big deal:  Their first steps, their first word, their first bowl of cereal, and their first day of school.

Here’s another First

Monday evening as we are making a mad dash to get fast-food between 5:00 and getting Kass to Girl Scouts by 6:00 PM my cell phone rings.  A number comes up I don’t recognize.  (And no, this is not a common thing on my phone.)  I don’t get to it in time and call back.  A girl answers.  I tell her I just missed her call.  She says, “Is Jason there?”

I somehow keep my composure. “No, but he will be back later this evening.  May I have him call you back?”  “Sure,” she says.  Pause.  “And your name?” I ask trying to behave in my voice.  “Ciera,” she replies. “Ok, Ciera, I will have him call you.”

And there it was:  Jas’ first call (that I know of) from a girl.  A GIRL!  I know, I should have been preparing for these days… But he is still a baby to me even if he is turning 14 in just two short weeks!

A girl just called my son?!

It will take a few days, maybe weeks, but I will get over it. 

Until next time! What if she calls again? 

I think I need to draw up a questionnaire, a list of things I need to know before you can “hang out”, “go-with” (or whatever the term is these days) to be my son’s girlfriend.  What do you think?  How do you prepare as a single mom for your firstborn, your son, your baby boy to start into the “girls scene”?  I mean his dad had “the talk” with him a few years ago; and I have opened that door and discussed with him that he can talk to me about anything and that nothing he can say will shock me... ever.  But he’s never had to use it!  He’s not been interested in girls.  Not yet I thought.  So any advice here is definitely appreciated.

What Will Jas say?

Yes, I will be inquiring more about her from Jas soon. Oh and yes I will also remain calm.  (My kiddos know I try not to be reactionary but sometimes, just sometimes it might sound like I am overreacting in my blogs…)

But I will be “cool” about it when it comes to discussing this with Jas.  My voice will remain monotone as we discuss the new locks on his door and the fact that I am going to start home-schooling him now. (Just kidding.)

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit:  JoelDC, www.Flickr.com

Technorati Tags: girl scouts,dating,girls,sons,firsts,cell phone

Tying up loose ends

If you have been reading my blogs, you know recently I have had some open ended questions on things going on in my world. (And if you would like to regularly keep up, please subscribe here.) Some questions you may still have: Jas’ quarters, what did we finally do? Kass doctor’s visit, how does she define “started?” Dating again… where has that headed?

Quarters

Jas ended up keeping the quarters. (If you don't know about him hitting the jackpot, read my blog linked here.) He used them at the same laundry mat to play video games and buy sodas. (So he was reinvesting in the source at least.) A couple days after the incident, I went into the laundry mat and checked around. Just like he had said, I also couldn’t find an employee, manager, or any obvious info on the change machine. So I just chalked that one up as a “blessing” for Jason. Some commenters suggested he give the money to charity… but he’s 13, a boy, and doesn’t yet have any interest in “charity.” Sad that I have to admit that, but it is true. And I have to also say, I choose my battles when it comes to forcing him to do things.

The Talk

Kass and I have only begun the process of the “talk.” (If you don't know about her doctor's visit that informed me it was time for this, read my blog linked here.) We had some time alone one evening and I brought up the doctor’s visit. I asked what did she think it meant when people talked about girls “starting”? She said she didn’t know. So I went into a little more detail about how girls’ bodies begin to change as they get older and told her not to be alarmed when that happened to her. It was just a beginning for us. But at least I have opened the door and will be purchasing a book as recommended by a very good friend of mine, How You Are Changing by Jane Graver to aid in the conversation as that process continues.

Dating Again

This isn’t going anywhere at the moment. I still talk with K, but we haven’t gone out in weeks. I can’t officially say I’m on another “man break” but it looks that way at the moment. Interestingly though, just like MsSingleMama stated in a recent blog, it feels great not to be absorbed in keeping up with a relationship right now. No, it doesn’t mean I’m a man hater nor that I’m giving up permanently on relationships; I just appreciate the fact that when these times come along, I don’t find myself getting obsessed with the idea that I have to be in a relationship. I can be content with who I am, being single, and enjoying my life instead of wishing for what I don’t have. I’ve said this before. This is nothing new. But, in case you are getting worried, I must say I do look forward to someday meeting someone or pursuing a current friendship by taking it to the next level. I just don’t think about it all the time. It only crosses my mind once or twice a day instead of once or twice an hour.

That special relationship will come along one day, though… just wait and see!

Now it’s your turn:

Did I get you caught up with my world, or did I miss something?

What are some things that are still evolving in your world? Have you been putting off an important conversation or a confrontation? Are you in a current relationship that appears to be at a standstill?

Spill it and let me live vicariously through your relationship for a moment.

Find yourself keeping it real.

Photo Credit: http://www.learnstreetmagic.net/images/learnstreetmagic06_image015.jpg

Technorati Tags: facts of life,single moms,dating,relationships,girls changing bodies,laundry mat,quarters

Time for the TALK

Kass had her annual checkup Tuesday.  Part of my Tuesday marathon was getting her to the doctor by 3:00 PM (since I pick her up at school at 2:30 PM).  And because she hadn't been to see a doctor in 2008, I of course was handed a 3-4 page medical history form to complete - even though she's been seen by these doctors since birth.  But sure, they need this information again this year, what am I thinking?  Makes perfect sense.  Because the age she started walking is possibly going to change if I think about it long enough and her allergies just might change from year to year as well as other medical history, I guess. 

Anyway I digress.  After waiting forty-five minutes for her 3:00 scheduled physical exam, we go back to the exam room and wait another 10 to 15 minutes before the nurse even comes in to get her height and weight.  She proceeds to tell me that Kass is getting taller AND  that she will have to get a shot today.  WOOOPS I lied.  I had told Kass she wouldn't be getting any shots -  I didn't think any were due, she had some last year.  Plus it calms her down prior to arrival if she thinks she can rule out that possibility in her mind.

Kass gave me the look and when the lovely nurse full of all this wonderful news leaves the room, Kass begins to complain.  But she remains calm.... until the doctor walks in.  It went downhill from there. Kass breaks into tears as the doctor says, "Stare at the butterfly," so he can check her eyes.  I mention she is worried about the shot.  He follows up with, "You know I don't give the shot, right, you do know that.  So as long as I'm in here - you don't have to worry about the shots."  She calmed down "a little." 

Then he checked her over and proceeded to tell me, "Mom it's time for 'the talk.'  I spoke up without thinking "So soon?"  Yeah, she will becoming a "big girl" in the next couple years, or less, he says as he is handing me a pamphlet on the HPV vaccine.  HPV vaccine! She is nine! Did I miss something here?  So he proceeded to talk about things that I knew would raise questions for Kass and I told him I would talk to her.  (What was I suppose to tell him, that I was going to leave her clueless till she's 20?)  Although, since I have already told her she will be thirty before she dates, that might work.  Don't you think thirty is a good age to date?

Have 'the talk' with her at nine.  Well with that I am going to ask all my fellow moms out there in the blogosphere...

Any tips or recommended web-sites for sharing the educated information about girls "changing bodies"?  Any books on adolescent girls becoming a "big girl" as the doctor kept referring to it?

(He also used the term "menses"  OK is it just me or am I the only one that has never heard it referred to as "menses?")

Now, I do think she is already ahead of the game.  Tonight on the way home, we are alone in the car and she says, "So the doctor thinks I will start before I'm eleven?"  "He thinks you might," I reply.  "Well 'C' hasn't started and she's 13.  I can't believe that she hasn't," Kass continues.  So now I wonder (since I am not yet fully prepared and educated enough to comfortably share this new world of information to my baby) what does my nine year-old equate with "started"?  I haven't told her, the school hasn't told me they have told her, so I guess friends talk to her.  She does have older friends. 

Yeah, I guess it's time for 'mom' to tell her baby.... about the facts of life.  Just not sure I am in a big fat hurry to do this... but according to her doctor, now is the time.

PHOTO Credit:  http://colouroflife.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/baby.jpg

Technorati Tags: single moms,children,medical