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Sep 18, 2008

Time for the TALK

Kass had her annual checkup Tuesday.  Part of my Tuesday marathon was getting baby her to the doctor by 3:00 PM (since I pick her up at school at 2:30 PM).  And because she hadn't been to see a doctor in 2008, I of course was handed a 3-4 page medical history form to complete - even though she's been seen by these doctors since birth.  But sure, they need this information again this year, what am I thinking?  Makes perfect sense.  Because the age she started walking is possibly going to change if I think about it long enough and her allergies just might change from year to year as well as other medical history, I guess. 

Anyway I digress.  After waiting forty-five minutes for her 3:00 scheduled physical exam, we go back to the exam room and wait another 10 to 15 minutes before the nurse even comes in to get her height and weight.  She proceeds to tell me that Kass is getting taller AND  that she will have to get a shot today.  WOOOPS I lied.  I had told Kass she wouldn't be getting any shots -  I didn't think any were due, she had some last year.  Plus it calms her down prior to arrival if she thinks she can rule out that possibility in her mind.

Kass gave me the look and when the lovely nurse full of all this wonderful news leaves the room, Kass begins to complain.  But she remains calm.... until the doctor walks in.  It went downhill from there. Kass breaks into tears as the doctor says, "Stare at the butterfly," so he can check her eyes.  I mention she is worried about the shot.  He follows up with, "You know I don't give the shot, right, you do know that.  So as long as I'm in here - you don't have to worry about the shots."  She calmed down "a little." 

Then he checked her over and proceeded to tell me, "Mom it's time for 'the talk.'  I spoke up without thinking "So soon?"  Yeah, she will becoming a "big girl" in the next couple years, or less, he says as he is handing me a pamphlet on the HPV vaccine.  HPV vaccine! She is nine! Did I miss something here?  So he proceeded to talk about things that I knew would raise questions for Kass and I told him I would talk to her.  (What was I suppose to tell him, that I was going to leave her clueless till she's 20?)  Although, since I have already told her she will be thirty before she dates, that might work.  Don't you think thirty is a good age to date?

Have 'the talk' with her at nine.  Well with that I am going to ask all my fellow moms out there in the blogosphere...

Any tips or recommended web-sites for sharing the educated information about girls "changing bodies"?  Any books on adolescent girls becoming a "big girl" as the doctor kept referring to it?

(He also used the term "menses"  OK is it just me or am I the only one that has never heard it referred to as "menses?")

Now, I do think she is already ahead of the game.  Tonight on the way home, we are alone in the car and she says, "So the doctor thinks I will start before I'm eleven?"  "He thinks you might," I reply.  "Well 'C' hasn't started and she's 13.  I can't believe that she hasn't," Kass continues.  So now I wonder (since I am not yet fully prepared and educated enough to comfortably share this new world of information to my baby) what does my nine year-old equate with "started"?  I haven't told her, the school hasn't told me they have told her, so I guess friends talk to her.  She does have older friends. 

Yeah, I guess it's time for 'mom' to tell her baby.... about the facts of life.  Just not sure I am in a big fat hurry to do this... but according to her doctor, now is the time.

PHOTO Credit:  http://colouroflife.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/baby.jpg
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Anonymous said...

Whoa! You're scaring me. My oldest girlie is seven.

I heard everything was starting younger but she still seems like such a baby.

We have had talks about tampons and periods and such as she spends so much time in the bathroom with me, but holy crap!

I don't have any advice. Just share your dumbfoundedness!

More casual conversations to see what she knows methinks.

Keep us updated.

Trish said...

Hey Kat I bet if you ask Cass she might could tell you more than you want to know -- I have a couple girls at church that at 6 years old and they know more about "the facts of life" than I did until I was older like 10 or 11 at least. There is one website I go to alot - don't know if it would have everything your looking for but it's got about any topic on there it's www.health.com - it might help!

Good Luck!!!

T said...

Eek!!! That is way fast!! My oldest is turning seven tomorrow... I can't even imagine this at age 9.

Do you remember the book, "Are you there, God? Its me, Margaret."

I loved that book and it helped me so much in learning what was going to happen to my body.

Eh, just a thought. Good luck!

Ms. Single Mama said...

Yeah. Scary. 9 seems young. Trust your gut. If she's asking - tell her. When she wants answers you'll know she's ready.

As for the vaccine... GET IT! Not yet, but put it on the list. Wish we would have had one.

Good luck, sweetie.

dadshouse said...

I talked to my daughter about sex when she was 11. http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/07/02/how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-sex/

Talking about her changing body happened before that. I seem to remember they had the puberty talk in school when girls were 9 or 10.

As for HPV vaccine - it seems like a good idea to me. My ex-wife isn't so sure. My ex-wife's OBGYN told her they haven't tested it enough, and recommended against it. Our pediatrician, though, recommends for it.

Probably next time my daughter goes in, we'll do the HPV vaccine. But I have to convince my co-parent first.

Anonymous said...

Hey found your blog through Blogged. I'm only rated a lowly 6.3 *sigh*. Anyway, I'm gonna check out the facebook thing. My daughter is only 2 btw, and I'm already scared.

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

We're not letting Ladybug date until she's 30 either, so I'm hoping we can delay "the talk."

As for the vaccine, I'm against it. As a Christian mom, I want my daughter to know the facts, but not give her any reason to think that sex outside marriage is "safe." Abstinence is the only 100% way to prevent STDs and pregnancy.

Sorry, I don't mean to use your comment section for my soapbox. It's something I feel very strongly about after working with teenagers for 10+ years.

Singlemom said...

My son is 12 and I had "the talk" with him when he was 10. Actually I first had to hae the talk with him when he was 7 because he caught his 16 year old babysitter having sex with her boyfriend when she thought he was sleeping- that's another story.

Sorry I dont have any advise for girls, just boys, but I think it can be handled the same way. Talk very openly and truthful about her changing body. Be honest with her about sex. You do not need to divulge too much information, just enough at this age.

Don't not speak to her. You do not want her to get her period and think she is dying. That happened to my nanny- her parents had not talked to her (this was in the 40's) and she started bleeding and thought she was dying.

Gii said...

My Daughter is 10. Last year in 4th grade, they watched "the video". That's a year ealier than when I was in elementary school. But due to all the hormones they're pumping into our chickens and cows, girls are developing much sooner ... blah, blah, anyway. I talk to her in spurts, just little tidbits to inform her, but not scare the bejeebies out of her (or gross her out completely). I don't think that at 9 or 10, they need to be so informed about sex that it makes them even more curious. And to start immunizing them for diseases they "might" get, is just one little degree away from putting them on birth control for sex that "might" happen.
Like I said, tiny, little, casual tidbits is about all they need at this age (at least,that's what the voices in my head are telling me).

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