Those of you who have done the online dating thing…surely you have also experienced the regular “email marriage proposals”, right? I would once in a while get long emails of a guy’s desire to marry someone from America, or looking for the perfect mate and knowing immediately from your profile – that you are the one for them. They then ask if you are interested in marriage… uhmmm, yeah, before they even meet you or have a phone conversation!!
So these things shouldn’t surprise me, since I have done online dating and have experience with this. In addition, I wasn’t surprised to get an instant message the other day from someone who still had my Hotmail email address from a contact we had made many months ago. Now, I knew we must have spoken briefly many months ago on a dating site, but I didn’t even remember him; till he sent me his photo…and we had never went out. But before thirty minutes were up, he was instant messaging me…. “Do you believe in online marriage?” Yeah, I immediately ‘blocked’ him from sending any further messages without reply.
Ok, let’s get real here. Surely, he was kidding… but I don’t waste my time to find out because seriously who has time and because of a few other pretty unrealistic ‘expectations’ of sort that have taken place in my recent dating experience. One such experience was just a few weeks ago and I emailed a friend of mine about it…. So I saved the email following that week and will share it here as part of my blog entry.
Dating... Wow, you guys never cease to amaze me. ;)
This guy I saw Saturday night got mad and wouldn't tell me why. We went out on one date that night (a first date, mind you) and he then called me Saturday night later after I got home (at which time we talked) and again Sunday, etc. ... finally I started getting a little annoyed... but called him back on Tuesday and it was during this conversation he said, “So where is this going?”
I thought I misunderstood him…. (See my shock factor hasn’t worn off!) But I didn’t cover very well, I said, “umm.... where is what going?” You see, we had went out on one date and I had already shared with him that my approach was to go out as friends at first for a while, so I replayed this same speech and then he starts in on why he drives a Nissan Sentra... and that he could afford a high car payment but chooses not to.... etc. (Again I sat on the phone in shock, because, exactly where did this come from?)
I just let him talk…because I was not sure where he was going with all this.... then he says... “…so I asked you, ‘Where is this going?’”
I went on to explain that I didn’t know him well enough to answer that. I wanted to date as friends so we could get to know each other better and make that decision about whether we wanted to be a "couple" farther down the road... (Again I am trying to react with low-key logic and not with – “You are insane!”)
To which, he said – “I am not in this for competition.” I said, “I didn't ask you to compete.” He then goes off on me and says that I have all these guy friends... I then replied, “Yeah…. but…. I am not in a serious relationship with anyone- so yes, I do have friends...” Then he said, “Well, I am a one guy - one girl kind of guy.” That’s when I replied, “Well if we were a couple it would make sense that we would be having this conversation; but - you seem to be asking me to be exclusive when we have only had one date!” and then he let me know - well this just isn't going to work, he didn’t want the drama down the road... he needed someone who knows what she wants... to which I said:
"I know what I want, but I don't know you!"
Anyway... I shortly told him that I appreciated him sharing this and to have a good night and hung up.
Well, after hanging up, I remembered I had put on my myspace as a byline status.... that I had a hard 2 weeks ahead, but I was still stoked from driving Keith's new BMW....
I guess he saw that - drew his own conclusion without asking me about it and went off... literally on me ... as if I had done something wrong to him. .
Since, I was not in anyway invested in this guy... it's not a bad thing - I am glad I get these red flags early that a guy has this kind of attitude but… am I the only one that is shocked ... that a guy expects me to be in an exclusive relationship after one date…. and doesn't understand why I pull away?
I never cease to be amazed… literally.