Each Day, Each Decision, Each Defining Moment

I'm so proud of my kiddos, my treasures.  They make me crazy at times. I don't need to go there, but they are also making me quite proud.

Jas is off to college and seems to be settling in.  He's been home only once and I like that he is getting a feel for being on his own and doing things on his own - even though I know he is hanging with his friends and even staying over in their dorm - instead of his own suite.... but that's a story for another day about his room mate.  At the very least he is developing a routine and getting into the groove of the work expected of him; and so far I haven't gotten any sobbing phone calls in the middle of the night - begging to come home for good. (knock on wood)

Kass has started high school and is really doing well.  We moved, which placed her in a different high school from her brother - actually the one she wanted to attend - and she loves it.  She is so grown up that it is even shocking sometimes to me.  We hang out in the evenings during the week, make dinner together and work on some chore at the house.  I love this time we get to bond, making memories, just the two of us.

Then there are my other kiddos that aren't here as often: Chad's three that we try to see as much as we can (like the camping trip last weekend with 4 of our 5 kiddos):

Tori is driving already!  She is also doing well this year and looking forward to getting her license sooner than I like to think about, lol.  She seems to be enjoying her second year of high school and the social life it brings.

Rach is finishing up her last year of middle school and has outdone herself with her latest accomplishment with violin.  She is first row 2nd chair - what a high honor!  We are very proud of the fact she is excelling and putting her energy into something she loves, her talent with music.  (And Rach- I hope i have your chair listing correct!)

And then there's Drew.  Little rambunctious Drew that loves his electronics and his books.  So smart he amazes us all as he sails above the rest of his classmates in most of his subjects.

I pray for them daily and my hope is that they will continue to remember and acknowledge that each day, each decision, each defining moment leads them to the bigger picture that results from the choices they make.  I want the best for them but more than that - more than even I can imagine for them - I want God's best for them.  I pray they will also strive for what God has for their futures - His best.

Find yourself, keeping it real...

Kat

Sanding the hardwoods...before and afters

Finally, we have finished sanding, cleaning and filling a few knot-holes in the hardwoods.

Chad did most of the work, but I helped him. Our labor of love on the big old house, Rue 17.

Here are some before and afters to this phase of the process.... (Tomorrow he starts the poly coats!)

BEFORE sanding:

AFTER sanding:

Stay tuned.... to see the FINISHED FLOORS soon.....

Mini DIY Mom

We Closed... so we could begin the next chapter

We closed.

The day finally arrived.  We closed on OUR house.  The house we had fallen in love with about 60 days ago, the house that more than once I was told wasn't going to happen because my current home didn't yet have a buyer.  That house miraculously was now OURS.

The house - I will refer to as Rue 17 is OUR 'NEW' home.

Chad and I were giddy like kids at Christmas the day of the closing. And the more we work on getting it ready to move in - the more we fall in love with that big old house.

He is presently sanding all 2000 square feet of hardwoods.

Here are some shots of the floors in "before" pics:

It had some pretty rough floors.  But the floors are a hundred years old (and they are pretty)!  So we are thrilled they look this good!

Yes Rue 17 was built in 1919 and I believe those are indeed the original floors - at least for the most part they are.

Tomorrow I will post some photos of the sanding job - the excellent sanding job Chad is doing as we move forward toward the task of cleaning them and adding the poly coat....

Till then,

Find yourself and find your heart's dream - keeping it real.

Mini DIY Mom

My DOTMOM Eyes

 

I am trying out a new site to post about my day-to-day joys along this journey as a single mom, a position/status that will be changing in the near future.

Don't worry, I will still be posting at this site (SOLO dot MOM) but also hope you will check out the new tumbler - at http://dotmom.tumblr.com titled: "My DOTMOM Eyes" and check out the latest happenings in my world.

Let me know what you think....

Share a comment below or share a comment at the new site: My DOT MOM Eyes.

Find yourself... keeping it real.
SOLO dot MOM

One boyfriend, one curfew, one text message at a time

While the debate is on in the background, I wanted to sit down and finally f.i.n.a.l.l.y. write another blog.  I have so much to share with my readers, but I will spare you the boring and only share the highlights.

The kiddos

Jas and Kass, the kiddos… I now refer to them in public as “the bigguns.”  They are growing up so fast I can’t keep up; and I am with them every day. (Well almost every day. But I digress <= already!)

Kass has a boyfriend. Seriously you don’t want me to get started on that point.  Trust me when I say, I am just going to leave it at that. And yes, she now has the “worst mother ever” because of the guidelines I have instructed about me being “in-the-know” regarding their conversations and “text messages.” (Can I just skip this part of her life and do a fast forward?!) Sadly if I did – she would be out of college and married after that blink.  Let the roller coaster ride begin, then.

Jas went to his homecoming dance. (Yes, can you believe a formal dance!) And he dressed for it: I have pictures to prove it. He is talking more and more about college plans, taking PSAT tests and I am still reminding him he needs to start applying for those ever lovely scholarships.  Can you believe I will be getting his senior portraits done in just 8 months?! Yeah, I need to stop before I hyperventilate.

The House/Move

Not sure if and/or when we will be moving/selling the house.  That seems to be in an “on hold” mode right now.  But with recent home improvement projects and “other” improvements on the list, we are still enjoying the process of making this one just like we want it.  My kiddos love living here.

Goals

I have been working on creating my goals for the next 5 years and trying to simplify exactly what that means from finances to my children’s spiritual growth.  One thing I do realize more and more each day is this parenting thing is tough.  Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s easy (even with two parents partnering together in one house). It gets tougher as they mature into these ‘tweens’ and teens; and sometimes I have to step back and ask God, “Can I do this?” Then I am reminded, “I can do all things, through Christ…” even when I feel like pulling my hair out.

Interjection here… I am watching the debate and it’s almost comical as they deliberate about “apples and oranges” for this 9-9-9 plan on the taxes.  That is all.

But in the meantime…day by day…

As I prepare for those goals and discuss my kiddos’ (the bigguns’) futures with them, we continue pressing on each day-- one at a time: one hairdo, one curfew, one text message, one XBox match, one girl scout session, one church service, one grade, one boyfriend, at-a-time.

Technorati Tags: teens,tweens,family time,college,scholarships,parenting,personal development,Faith,persistence

Keeping the Sabbath and other justifications for taking vacation

Well it’s just a few minutes after ten and my kiddos are in bed. (CAN YOU BELIEVIE IT?) Mr. M would say, wow, that’s a first. (I know you well enough by now, Mr. M.)

No, I am pretty tight about the 9:30 and 10:00 o’clock rules for bed time.  Kass slides in just past 9:30 (yes most nights) but she goes to sleep fast and is asleep by the time I get Jas off to bed at 10:00.  They have learned I am a strong advocate of sleep.  And usually (as of the last several months at least) I go to bed shortly after they do and get to sleep about 10:30.  Sleep helps us regenerate for the next day when we get up and do what we do all over again.

Sleep is sort of like keeping the Sabbath, or allowing yourself to have down-time.  Although you need some “down-time” while you are still awake as well.  Do you ever take a day of your weekend to do nothing?  A half day? (This is rare for me, though I try to get in a good nap on Sunday afternoons after church. Oh wait, that’s sleep again, not just down-time.)  But I do at least plan a vacation each year.

That is what is in the works around here. We have at least requested some dates off from work for our ‘joint’ family vacation again this summer.  What we have in mind is a biggie with the kiddos, but I don’t want to share exact details just yet because we need to clarify some of the plans before we go wild and crazy and start talking about it on the world wide web for all to see.  For now, dates are being set and secured with our employers and more calls will have to be made and budgeting calculated….  then we can start looking forward to a week of wonder and memory making.

Oh and I haven’t taken pictures of the kitchen changes yet.  But do you really want to see it while it still needs a fresh coat of paint on the ceiling (because of the scars behind the old light fixture)?

In the meantime, below are some pics taken in the past few months, that I don’t think you have seen just yet.  I picked some of my fav’s.

 

Photo Credit: Katherine Shinault

Technorati Tags: vacation,sleeping,Sabbath,single moms,budgets,photography,photo fun,downtown Roanoke

I’m Back

Well I hadn’t really went anywhere, but my blogging has been anything but frequent.  My plan is to update you more often and I wanted to start today.

This past weekend I started spring cleaning (a little early) and did some deep cleaning in my kitchen.  I spent most of my Saturday working on the tops of cabinets and washing all my “Coca Cola” decorations that sit atop them and my shelves.  I changed out the lighting in the kitchen just last week, which put me in the mood to get a head start on my spring cleaning. The lights replaced an old utility style 6 foot tubular fluorescent light across the ceiling.  Now it looks more up-to-date and modern  - but now the ceiling needs painting.

I know you want pictures.  I will post them soon.

Thanks to Mr. M for his hard work putting the new lights up, I am very happy with the new look.  I also changed the setup of my decor and condensed some things.  You know modern is – “Less is More.”

Sunday we visited a different church.  My goal at present is to find one the kiddos will get more connected to and become involved with the youth group.  We have been lacking in seeing that with both sets of kiddos and our intentions are to work toward finding a place they can connect.

At my day job work is busy busy busy and I am still waiting on a quote to get some electrical work done at the house.  You know the ever-looming goal of getting the house ready to sale…so Mr. M and I can buy a bigger house for all the kiddos to have their much needed space. And, of course, that means we have been talking even more seriously about our futures together and even the M word: Marriage!

This is nothing new, but I like to keep you up-to-date in knowing – it is a slow going process for us to get our ducks in a row… but never the less a big step we are excited about taking.

And my photography hobby?  Recently we took a trip downtown and I took tons of pictures as we pretended once again to be tourists in our own backyard. If you have never done this, give it a try. We have lots of fun every time we venture out.

Photo Credit:  Katherine Shinault

In The Moment

Remember this famous quote:

Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.

The Princess Bride

I’m so busy anymore I don’t know what to blog, or when. I love this quote from this classic movie. My own statement about blogging would be close:

Blog, you know how much I love sharing with you and the world wide web, but I’ve got my office’s 100th anniversary to plan, my kids to take to the doctor (four times a month lately), a boyfriend to cater to, my house to get on the market, and I need to find a way to pay for all of it; I’m swamped. (j/k Mr. M!)

I took off the month of January, for the most part, from my blog, to get focused. I participated in a 21 day fast that I would love to share more about soon. But in that time – I did get focused and found my priorities again. 

My priorities are my faith and my children at the top. (Even though my children at times try my patience, thereby my faith… but I digress.) My relationship with Mr. M follows in that sequence and we are looking toward our future. But I didn’t find any extra time lying around to squeeze all the “stuff” into.Sometimes I have so many plates spinning between my children, their “stuff;” my home, its ‘stuff;’ Mr. M, his ‘stuff;’ my job, and its stuff that I lose my focus on what’s important. Life is spinning crazy by all of us.

So with that thought I want to say:

Take time to be in the moment where you are right now. Appreciate all the little things in your world and pay attention to whatever it is you might be doing – while you are doing it. Whether it’s doing the laundry or making jewelry with your daughter – give it your full attention and be in that moment. Once it is gone – it’s gone and is only a memory of what we make it.

Find yourself…keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: life lessons,relationships,gratitude,appreciation,time management,parenting

Super Bowl Memories

As I sit here and watch the half-time show of the Super Bowl, I am a little disappointed; but the commercials have been pretty good.

Jas, Kass, E, and I are watching it at our own private party. Mr. M. and his boys didn’t want to watch the game, they had no desire, so they decided to stay at home and play video games and watch movies.  I didn’t want Jas to miss the game, so here we sit at our house for the evening.

E has to leave before the second half, so our party is dwindling down. Kass has to be in bed by 9:30, so our party will be over soon. 

As I sit here, I am thinking about two Super Bowls ago.  Remember that night?  If you read my blog you might remember that memorable night.

Here’s a link to Superbowl night, two years ago.

Enjoy.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: thedailygreen.com

Technorati Tags: Super Bowl,dating,single moms,single moms dating

TOP TEN Biggest Little Things of 2010

 

I wrote this list in December and didn’t ever post it because it needed links. 

Here’s the TOP TEN for 2010… with links and all.  Finally.

Enjoy.

10. Jas’ comment recently “Do I get to take my bed when we move?”

9. Funniest Christmas memory of 2010

8. Writing a procedure manual on the side– and getting paid for it.

7. Getting the book, Eat, Pray, Love for free on PaperBackSwap.com

6. The coolest birthday card.

5. Writing for Examiner.com

4. Finishing the “work in progress” half-bath.  Finally.

3. Excavating the back yard to level the lot and re-seed as prep for putting the house on the market.

2. Refinishing the hard wood floors.

and the Number ONE thing in the list of Biggest Little things was:

1. The reveal of Mr. M’s 2 year and 5 year plans.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: PhotoXpress.com, author: scalesy

Happy Thanksgiving

My kiddos happened to be with their dad for the whole Thanksgiving holiday.  They left Wednesday after school.  So with that in mind, Mr. M (who also wouldn’t have his boys till late in the day Thursday) and I decided to take a short trip for our holiday.

We ended up here at Natural Bridge enjoying the sites, the attractions, and the lovely resort where they also had unbelievable food.  Good thing we had our reservations for the Thanksgiving feast. The place was packed when we headed back to the resort for our meal.

 

 

 

  

 

Here is the Indian village they had created on the grounds of Natural Bridge. Inside this Palisade Mr. M. and I learned interesting facts about the early days of the Indians that lived in Virginia, how they made their tools and what they used for trade.  We could have listened to this guide for hours, but it was getting close to time to eat.

After this photo, the batteries died.  But you can see from these pictures, we had a great time.

Hope your Thanksgiving was a memorable and enjoyable one.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: Thanksgiving,travel,resorts,Natural Bridge,Virginia,hiking,photography,photos

The day I told Mr. M…

Here we are…the day of the hike last weekend. The day I told him… well you already know if you read my twitter feed or see my facebook status.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: photography,photos,Blue Ridge parkway,hiking,mountains,relationships,dreams

Without the heartbreak, you’re still making up stories

Are you afraid of falling in love? …of being in love, deeply in love?

Are you afraid of being alone?

Is there a difference between fear of being alone and fear of being lonely?

We all want love. That is a common goal.  Yet we all fear losing that same love: our common fear.

These are just a few of the concepts covered by Susan Piver in just one of the articles in this month’s issue of fear.less.

I have been a subscriber since it began in May or June and though I do not believe in every ideology it expresses: I filter when I read (and I have enough confidence in my own faith and beliefs that I am comfortable reading materials that reference other faiths at times) so I have gleaned from the issues and especially liked this article about trust, fear, and relationships.

Buddhism references aside, interesting stuff…

Plus I love the layout of the design – and I want to learn how they do that with their pdf’s!

Check out this magazine (ezine): fear.less… if you dare.

Pssst. this is not a sponsored post.

 Find yourself… keeping it real.

 

What to Expect When You’re Divorced- My Upcoming Book

There’s much I want to blog about.  And much that I cannot blog about.  This post may be saying too much, but I have had enough. 

My X has found my blog; it’s no big deal because I have nothing to hide about single parenting or dating which I share with my readers, here.  My relationship with Mr. M is public knowledge.  But sadly, my X has continually shared his negative opinion to my kiddos about me having a new relationship.  These are ugly irrational things that my kiddos don’t need to hear. Nor do they need the mental duress from dealing with his rants about his rejection of my new relationship.  He tells them what he will do if I get married again. And it’s not pretty.

How do you recommend dealing with an X who has not moved on… five years after the final D?  I plan to investigate my options, especially when the mental abuse is being subjected to the kiddos when they are with him.

Transparency isn’t always pretty when you are living a life as a single mom and your X insists upon being uncooperative with the co-parenting concept.  I understand everyone has their own opinion about remarriage after divorce, but I don’t believe imposing personal dogmatic convictions upon someone else is appropriate behavior.  Nor do I think you should make your own children feel bad about their other parent moving on in her life, whether you agree with that other parent’s choices or not.  If the other parent’s choices are moral, legal and not bringing harm to the child nor placing a child in an unsafe, unstable environment, then you should keep your opinions to yourself. (IMHO)

Longsuffering in this case, however, has been long used up by this single mom.  Now I have to take next steps to ensure my children do not needlessly endure unnecessary stresses from their father.  Hopefully he will realize the harm it is doing to them not me, in the process and just finally move on and let it go.

We can only hope and pray he chooses that route before other actions have to be taken.

Did you read that, Mr. X?

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: Created image using the background of a well known parenting book and adding my own text, title.

Technorati Tags: Divorce,relationships,personal development,co-parenting,coparenting,ex-husband,ex-wife,marriage,remarriage,convictions,mental abuse

The Proposal

We were supposed to be writing down our 2 year and our 5 year plans.  Mr. M didn’t want to give me his first, nor did I.  So we agreed.  Write them down and we would hand them to each other at the same time.

When you sit down with your significant other and talk about the future, it can be a happy time or a stressful time.  I wanted our discussions to be happy.  Plus I wanted to know what he was thinking now that we have been seeing each other over 18 months and counting.  I felt like we were getting to “idle” mode and I didn’t know what that meant.  I only dated my X for a collective six months before we were engaged. (Yeah long story there.)  So this long ongoing relationship was a record and we enjoy what we have, but I like to plan… you know me and my lists.

This is so different from when I was dating as a single mom.  I vividly remember those days; and you have read about them, many of them.  Back during that time I searched the web for other single moms dating.  We embraced each other over the vast network of interlocking technology and cabling and became “like sisters,” vicariously living through each other when one of us met someone new or when we were battling the online dating saga.  There were Ms. Single Mama, Single Mom Still Seeking, Desperately Seeking Sanity, and Modern Single Mom.  I say were because we have all moved on now to a new season of our relationships.  Modern Single Mom and Desperately Seeking are now married and blessed, while the other two are planning the big day, engaged. 

And me?

Well, a few nights ago I was holding a piece of paper folded with Mr. M’s 2-year and 5-year goals on it, focusing on our relationship and where it was heading from his perspective.  He was holding mine.  Quickly we opened them for our ‘reveal.’

I squealed.

Here’s what his said:

2 year plan – I want to see what you wrote first.

5 year plan – I want to continue to always be right.

Nice.

I had been had.

Mine of course broke down marriage, buying a house, getting my PMP certification, and preparing for my kids college days.

It all turned out ok, he finally filled out the real thing and listed marriage etc. but I told him I am still expecting an official proposal.  He smiled and said, “But you already asked me.”

Yeah, it doesn’t work that way.  He knows I am still waiting.

I will let you know when the big question gets popped.  Maybe next year, or the next… but I will be waiting.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Life is Full as My Heart Swells

As it should be, life is full.  Right now my emotions are drained and my life feels scattered with so many changes going on in my world.  It’s nothing new, the only constant in life is change. But in the midst of all the change I do feel an unexplainable peace.

It’s been a long time since I just sat and wrote.  Wrote about everything on my heart, everything in my mind.  I have written some thoughts recently about my son, about a beautiful butterfly; but not about me so much.

I know I have been avoiding the realization of some special people moving out of my life.  People that over the last six years became like family, literally. They have been promoted in the organization I work for and for them that means moving out of state. And for me it means lots of new things, a new boss and new directors to get to know and work with.

As we clean up, clean out and organize file rooms and closet space, it’s all been good.  But the busyness hasn’t removed the emotional affects, only diverted it for a while.  Friday I finally faced the reality and let the tears flow, and then I couldn’t get them to stop (Just ask Mr. M).  But it’s Tuesday and I am better and looking forward to meeting the new boss in person tomorrow. 

It’s time for our new adventure to begin. It’s the next chapter and I’m anxious to turn this page and see where it’s headed.

Ready or not, Wednesday is coming!

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit:  photoXpress.com\ author: grekoff

My new favorite

I took about a dozen photographs of this gorgeous butterfly last weekend.  I had a hard time choosing a favorite.  There were a few great shots IMHO.  But this one is my current fave.

Later this week when I was reading a book I am currently using for personal devotions, I read this passage and it made me think of this beauty as well as reflect for a few moments:

…If we look closely at the workings of creation, we find that God nearly always works through process.  Think of it.  First there is a seed, then a sprout, then a blossom, and finally fruit.  God does not begin with a butterfly, but with a larva that becomes a chrysalis and finally a creature with wings.  Neither does God speak a star into existence, but sends dust floating into space, then interstellar gas that slowly heats up, and eons later a star is formed.  Perhaps most mysterious of all is the unfolding process of ovum, fetus, baby, child, adolescent, adult.  The universe is designed to move stage by stage, from incompletion to completion.  Now why should we suppose that God has designed the heart any differently than the rest of creation?… (pp. 69-70, Firstlight, The Early Inspirational Writings of Sue Monk Kidd)

The heart goes through stages just like the butterfly.  It is a process, it takes time.  I’m currently trying to be more aware of the stage of my heart.

Where is your heart? What stage or level in the process of becoming… more compassionate, more aware, more tender?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit:  Katherine Shinault, SOLO dot MOM (http://kitkat4real.blogspot.com)

Technorati Tags: relationships,personal development,photography,photos,nature,butterflies,butterfly,metamorphosis,devotions,God's love,God's creation

Love, it moves me

He said I love you and it touched the deepest part of me.

Having a teenager is full of challenges.  I talk about them often.  My frustrations and my moments. Not necessarily my moments of overwhelming joy, just my moments.

To his credit, my teenage son is a good kid.  He is.  He just has his “moments.”

A couple months ago when we were at the lake celebrating Memorial Day, he was misbehaving like most big brothers do and was bullying his sister in the water.  She was fine, but he kept doing it and getting a reaction from her of course.  I didn’t realize how persistently he had been doing it since I only witnessed one episode in the water.  Later in conversation with the girls (Kass and her friend E) I realized there was more to it.  “I couldn’t believe you only had him to sit out of the water for 10 minutes when he was doing that to Kass,”  E said to me in that conversation.  I had only made him come out the one time I saw him pushing her around and dunking her in the water.  E told me he had been doing that most of the day.

With this new information I wondered how I would help Jas see the way more clearly.  When I mentioned the concern to Mr. M he gave me a brilliant idea.  “Have him write a paper as his punishment.” Let the punishment fit the crime.  Knowing Jas doesn’t like writing papers for school, I knew this would be punishment enough and the topic combination would be none other than “how people drown” and “teenage bullying.” That should cover it.  I wanted him to realize for himself that “messing around” in the water dunking someone or holding them under temporarily to be funny, was no laughing matter and could lead to something serious if someone panicked. 

So he had to write the paper before spending any time with friends or getting his laptop returned.  Long story short, he wrote the paper.  We went back to the lake, July 4th weekend and the incident was not repeated; not even once.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you “Yay for me,” I’ve got this raising teenagers thing down to a science.  Because quite simply, I don’t. I’m still learning. Every day.

The kiddos have been gone spending some time with their dad for three weeks.  To say I miss them is the understatement of the year. Yes, even with their “moments” I miss them. I have talked with them every couple of days since they have been gone.  Today, when I was talking to Jas, which usually lasts all of 45 seconds with each phone conversation, I ended with, “I love you.”  Normally he won’t say it, especially in front of his dad.  So consider my surprise when he said “I love you, too.”

It has happened before, if you read this post from 2008.  Yeah, 2008.  It’s been said at other times sporadically since then, that I haven’t blogged.  But still you can appreciate that it doesn’t happen often.

When he said those four words, it immensely touched the deepest part of my being.  I cannot articulate it better than to say… it moved me.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: discipline,teenagers,love,family time,parenting