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Nov 20, 2008

Single Mom Dating a McDreamy

I memorized the buttons on his shirt. I traced the outline of his hand with my finger. I didn’t want to say goodbye. When I looked deep into his eyes, he held my stare; he didn’t look away, not even once. We were standing at my Infinity, with the door open, leaning up against it, holding each other…. I found myself whispering into his shoulder, my words slowed as he kissed my neck, so softly. He whispered he had a cold earlier in the week so he wouldn’t kiss me – really kiss me. But he wanted to, he said.

Earlier my hand rested on the table after finishing our meal while we were engrossed in conversation. He took one finger and gently reached toward my hand and held it, caressing as he spoke. “I don’t want you to sit at home on Saturday nights.” He had his daughter every weekend and knew we would have to make arrangements for a weeknight anytime we went out to spend time together. He wanted to let me know he didn’t expect me “not to go out” on the weekends even though he couldn’t invite me to be with him. So this was our present dilemma. I said that I appreciated his willingness to understand our place of not being “exclusive” it was definitely too early for that anyway. He touched my hand again. “But I don’t want to be just friends,” he said. “I have enough friends.” As he caressed my hand, I literally felt electricity running through my body. He had taken my breath with these words and I struggled for air within myself to slowly find a response. “That makes me feel better.” This was truth because with his statement about Saturday nights, I felt he may only want us to be friends, and I wanted more. Now I was the one taken off guard, feeling overwhelmed at how I was feeling for him… and way too soon. I emphatically encourage others…. don’t fall too quickly, don’t get swept by emotions. And here I sat in a restaurant for three hours with a man I had just met who was taking my breath with his very words.

He is amazing and over the course of the evening I told him so. He is so attractive, beyond words with striking features and dark hair, a true Italian. His intellect can be heard through his words, his measured and paced statements, about work, about his daughter, about the potential of us. He already likes to tease me, the banter is playful and another attractive feature I can’t get enough of. He said everything I could want him to say. He told me I was beautiful, he loved the way I walked, and loved the confidence in my voice when I spoke from my heart, from my mind and even the way I took many tangents in conversation. He said “You make my toes tingle.”


As a single mom I have found dating to be challenging, to say the least. From making time in your schedule to meeting potential guys in the first place, it’s all a challenge. As you have read from my past dating experiences, I do have a few rules of thumb.

  1. I do protect my children from being a part of the revolving door of many first dates coming through my life. The children will not meet a person I am dating until it is serious.
  2. I do believe a guy that is a potential relationship should be on the same page with me when it comes to certain areas of life: Faith, intellect, and our approach to life.

You have seen this before in my previous blog about being in the market for a boyfriend as well as other posts from my past. But recently my very “rules of thumb” have been challenged. The infatuation that can come from a magical night on a first date took my head into the clouds and my heart took over. It was an awakening that I experienced three days later in silence followed by reading the article “Love Is Not All You Need” from Psychology Today as referenced in MsSingleMama’s blog recently that helped me come back down to the ground. The article confirmed what I had already found to be the case in my own life, that there is no “the One,” no “perfect guy of my dreams” but instead we should consider what others have tried and from that what has succeeded or failed. It’s a great article, so I highly recommend you read it from the link.


So now for my current saga… well I am not ruling anything out. I try to keep an open mind. But I do realize the logic side of this tells me I have a long way to go before I get involved in a relationship, a long long way to go, crush, infatuation, or not. There are way too many unknowns when you first meet someone or when you are even working on getting to know them over weeks or months. Now it’s much more fun to read about the “romance” and chemistry and electricity, because “… we sigh with happiness when witnessing lovers who barely know each other connect as powerfully as lightening striking the Earth.” (Quoted from Love Is Not All You Needfrom Psychology Today) But I can’t base such an important decision on one magical night. And yes I do think God is in control of that bigger picture, but I also know he gives us insight, wisdom and experiences upon which to base these huge decisions in our lives.


150px-Patrick_Dempsey_in_Madrid_(Spain)_01 With all that being said, I still wanted to share with you what got me in my recent challenge about dating. I had been hesitating because even though I wanted to think I met the man of my dreams, I realize I cannot truly know that for quite some time. First of all timing is everything and I knew before we met the timing in his life would be too soon to get involved with me. With his divorce on the brink of being finalized I encouraged him as a friend to take things slow, whether with me or someone else, simply not to rush. “I’m as slow as a turtle,” he said.

I found myself wanting to see him again, to hear his voice the next day after our first date. But I wanted to give him space. Space to sort out if he meant it when he asked me for a second date. Was he going to get cold feet before we let this “potential” get anywhere?

Now what was I thinking?  I was allowing myself to get wrapped up in something that didn’t exist. And not hearing from him three days later…. made my “safe to say” thinking kick in.


But in the meantime at the beginning of this blog you see what I wrote to capture the essence of that one night, that magical, amazing, breathtaking, electrifying, first date.

I will always have the memory of that one night. And now at the very least I know, I can feel this way again; that it is possible. But I am thankful it only took me a few days to get my head back on straight and take this slow, very, very, VERY slow.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

PHOTO CREDIT: wikipedia.com/Patrick Dempsey


Trish said...

WOW!!!Kat - sounds like a great first date!!!!! I'm excited for you that you had that experience!

Ms. Single Mama said...

Yes, hold on to that experience - regardless of how it works out - sometimes just knowing we can feel again is worth so much.

T said...

That first date sounds way familiar and reminded me of my first date with Soldier. And then the way we felt for weeks afterwards... then he was off to war and now... well, anyway.

I too got wrapped up in it. I too wanted to see if more would come and waited a whole year to find out.

I'm letting it go but still holding on to the magic. And like you, enjoying the fact that I could experience that feeling again.

Now if I could just look forward instead of behind.

Thank you for sharing this and for reminding me to get my head back on straight.

dadshouse said...

Great first dates rock! And it's even better that you have the awareness not to keep your head in the clouds. Still, there is nothing wrong with feeling the magic.

debra said...

Some days it feels like the 'red flags' (like it being too soon for him for a relationship) need to be set ablaze so we don't lose sight of them through the fog of a great first date! It is so easy to miss what is right in front of us; things we know mean it's not a great idea to get involved. Yet, faced with a man who listens, shares his feelings, is warm and compassionate, and god forbid looks good....our heads are in the clouds...right up until the point that we fly into the side of a mountain and realize...'oh, yeah, there are those red flags I saw a while back!'

Anonymous said...

I would appreciate more visual materials, to make your blog more attractive, but your writing style really compensates it. But there is always place for improvement

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