To be continued…

Remember the story of the guy who was slapped at the dance when he met someone special but said all the wrong things on the dance floor?  If not, read more about what happened and how I got involved with giving him a little advice – here.

I received an email from the “the girl” today and she is very happy and enjoying getting to know (John) better.  She has realized that he was sincerely a nice guy and is happy she gave him another chance after his rocky first impression.  They both sound like they have their acts together and both seem to be mature for their tender age of seventeen. It also impressed me that she has a good perception of herself and appreciates who she is as a person on the inside as well as the guys who do the same. 

I asked her to keep in touch over their journey… so maybe we will hear more from their budding romance. 

Perhaps those of us more than twice their age can learn a little lesson from their experience…perhaps.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: romance,teenagers,dances,self-esteem

She is her mother’s daughter

My daughter is easily startled, her scream mechanism is easily tripped.  If she sees a ‘bee’ by the mailbox, you know it; if Jovi gets outside the gate, the whole neighborhood quickly knows something has gone awry at our house.  I ask her to work on this quick reaction of the screaming kind but… what can I say?

Last night Mr. M got to find out first hand, Kass is her mother’s daughter, once again.  I was back in the utility room and saw something on the floor, long legs, fat body, grossly tan with specks.  I called for Mr. M to come and check it out.  He’s a guy, he is supposed to take care of these things, right?

Once he looked at what I was staring at, he said, “It’s a camel cricket,”  calmly, nonchalantly and then began to walk off: leaving it there for me to contend with.  “Wait, you have to take care of it,” I replied.  “Step on it. You have shoes on, I don’t,” was his reaction.  So before it could “hop” into my bedroom I stepped on it.

As I stepped down on it, the cracking sound was just too much; without thinking I screamed (and rather loudly).  My son came running, and laughed, “I thought she saw a bug 6 feet tall from her screaming.”  So as you can see, he and Mr. M got a kick out of my reaction.  But it’s automatic, I can’t help it.  I was proud that I hadn’t screamed before then.

Oh well, they will just have to accept our inherent reactions… to bugs, and the like when it comes to Kass and her mother.  We just can’t help our nature to scream.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit:  [Photo from the Flickr stream of AlbinoFlea ]

Technorati Tags: camel cricket,bugs,screams,insects,daughters,mothers,Single moms,relationships

Teen Dance, Angst, and Slaps: Oh My

Recently I received an email from a guy we’ll call John.  I had previously posted a blog titled: A woman’s value is NOT based on her Bra size and he saw it and responded to me by asking for some advice.  Here was the dilemma he experienced:

Dear Katherine,

My name is (John) and I'm 17 years old.  I came upon your blog and  even though you don't have teenagers, I thought you might have some good insight on an experience I recently had.  It involved a girl I had just met at a dance.  We talked for a good half hour and seemed to be hitting it off.  She was very pretty, smart and nice.  We even exchanged email addresses.  I was so excited!

Then, things suddenly went downhill.  I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended.  She told me I was being "inappropriate" and with a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed. 

As I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, with my friends nearby laughing at me, I was wondering why she was so offended.  She had a classic hourglass figure - busty, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs.  I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. Why can't girls embrace their curves?

Btw, I do have her email address.  Do you think I should send her an apology note or should I interpret the slap in the face as another way of saying she does not want to see me again?  

(John)

I have already responded to John, and my advice was to go ahead and try “only once” to email her with an apology.  Even if she didn’t respond I told him he could take away from this experience a newfound sensitivity to communicating with girls.  We are complicated creatures and puzzling when it comes to communication, you know.  Plus we all have our own angst about body image.

This long story short has a happy ending… but what do you think? 

Did she over-react? 

Should guys be more cautious when speaking to a girl he just met? 

What could he have done differently at the dance?

Well in the case with John here, he has kept in touch with me every step of the way: from the email apology all the way to their coffee date they had this past weekend.  For his date he was encouraged by his mom to take the young lady a small token of his heart felt apology (a daisy is what I suggested). 

After sharing a little about their time together on the coffee date,(John) says this is how it ended:

As we were leaving, she gave me a hug and peck on the cheek. I told her it was a big improvement from the last time and she laughed :-)

Sweet.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Find yourself…keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: relationships,dating,dances,first date,self esteem,confidence,body image,hourglass figure

A woman’s value is NOT based on her BRA size

True Story:

I was at Target with my sister.  She needed to buy her daughter (who is a year younger than Kass)  a bra for the first time.  She wanted me to help and I decided to buy one for Kass as well.  We were looking through the juniors department and I picked up one I knew would fit her daughter and a similar one for Kass.  Without revealing the size here in print, I made the statement how Kass was getting close to wearing my size already.  My sister in a shocked voice said, “You are still in size *&?”  “YES, thank you very much, I am,” I replied.

I have always been thin. Even as an adult I have kept my small frame and thereby I’m not very big -- in any area of my proportions (if you get my drift).  But just because I am a small framed woman, doesn’t mean I am any less of a woman. 

Now for my sister’s benefit (she reads this occasionally) I know she meant nothing negative by that comment.  As a matter of fact she followed by saying, “Well even though you are small, the good thing is you kept your metabolism.”  So all is well between us.  No worries, sis.

A woman’s bra size doesn’t determine her value. But this brings me to my point:  Women are constantly concerned about their appearance and many times equate their self-worth based on their perception of that appearance.  Some think their size is too large while others think they are too small or not proportioned correctly. (Ladies, am I right?) But in fact we are all different and are all seeking for that perfect size that doesn’t exist. (Let me interject here: There is something to be said for eating healthy and exercising consistently; I am not speaking of simply trying to stay healthy in this blog post.)  But this obsession about body appearance is proven every January by the fad diets that are promoted and advertised because so many people (women especially) are listing diet as their new year’s resolution.  How we think of ourselves and our appearance affects our confidence, don’t you agree?

In preparation for a podcast interview about appearance, I put together six keys about inner beauty and self worth.  I plan to share these in the coming weeks in parts 1, 2 and 3; so be sure and subscribe to the RSS feed or emails above, if you don’t already receive updates, so you will get a chance to read the keys about self-worth and feeling confident ‘in your own skin.’

Back to my story:

After Kass tried on the bra in the size I bought her, we realized it was too small.  I had to take it back and actually get her the same size I wear after all!  I knew she would catch up with me soon, but not this soon.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: photoXpress.com \ cvrgrl

Technorati Tags: bra,self worth,self-esteem,confidence,body appearance,obsessions,diets,body size

Narcissistic; who me?

I read The John Tesh blog daily.  And in a recent post he talks about pitfalls that could slow the progress of your spiritual growth. (Check out that post; it’s full of good stuff on spiritual growth.) And April is the month I wanted to focus on my spiritual life.  But one thing specifically that caught my attention in his post I wanted to share here:

Quote…

Narcissism

There's a thin line between narcissism and "following your bliss." Without some degree of sacrifice for the greater good, self-discovery eventually leads to plain old self-indulgence. Be aware of your tendency toward excessive self-centeredness even as you work to heal and love your own tender self.

With that in mind it got me thinking.  I try to indulge in “finding yourself” and helping others learn to appreciate the person God meant for you to be: Learning to love yourself so you can in turn more effectively love others.  But do we (ok I am pointing the finger at myself this time) do I cross this line sometimes?

Comfortable in my skin

I enjoy being comfortable in my own skin.  This was a long time coming and now at the tender age of XX! I feel I have finally found out more about who I am than ever before in my history.

So the question then is where is that line for self-centeredness? I don’t want to be guilty of self-centeredness… and a quick interjection here: I have been working on my ‘goal for April’ of improving my spiritual walk: I am now consistently attending Wednesday night classes at my church (hadn’t been on Wednesdays in a year or three) and I am trying (emphasis trying) to be more consistent with my devotional and Bible reading time.  Hey, it’s still a work in progress with me and I gave my readers that list of goals so you could keep me accountable.  But I digress… talking about me again; let’s get back to my fear of being self-centered:

Here is another article/blog post on the topic of narcissism that really makes you stop and evaluate your walk; wow.

What do you think?

I sincerely want to hear your thoughts because this isn’t ‘all about me.’  Share your opinions below in the comments section.

And here’s a link to a test to see if you are Narcissistic according to an article in USA Today last year.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: narcissistic,narcissism,personal development,self-centeredness,self-esteem,spirtual growth,spirtual walk

by Katherine S.

Abandon Ship or Toss Him Overboard!?

GE3F6BSE4UUD  (Technorati Claim Token)

Jump Overboard

How many times have you wanted to jump ship?  Have you ever said – “That’s it! Enough is enough!”?

No I don’t mean on your relationship with your significant other (even though that relationship is what I have been focusing on this month); I mean with your kiddos!

The Boiling Point

Many times I have found myself at that pressure point: boiling; as they have gotten on my last nerve when it comes to reminding, reprimanding, and refereeing a set of siblings.  Just yesterday I wanted to either strangle my teenager, toss him overboard, or drive off and not come back…. for a long time.

Now I would NEVER actually follow through on these crazy notions, mind you, but it’s no rarity that this happens while parenting, working fulltime and wearing all the other hats we do as parents… especially as a single parent.  So what is the answer?  How do we cope?

Life Wheel – Out the Window!

At that point when I found myself getting hotter and hotter and my voice was rising higher and higher I just wanted to take that life wheel of balance and chuck it out the window.  So keeping things in balance wasn’t helping in that moment.

Reflection

Of course, later that night when I reflected on the moment and my reaction, (my despairing and loud crazy woman kind of reaction) I was disappointed.  I regretted that I let the pressure get the best of me and push me past my “point.”  I prayed, “Change me, Lord.”  I want to react better to my kiddos when I’ve had it “up to here.”

It’s all about choices.

I don’t always make the best ones.

Good News

But the good news is, He still loves me.

And that’s the point.

My kids may disappoint me too – pushing me past my “point.” But I still love them  - and yes indeed, very much.  And realizing that God still loves me as well– even when I get bent out of shape at times… makes me feel better about my own “disappointing reactions.”

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: PhotoXpress.com/MAXFX

Technorati Tags: relationships,parenting,love,choices,disappointing oneself,God's love,stress,pressure,reactions,raised voice

Another Reason to Dis Valentine’s Day

When I was single (hey even while I was married) I used to ‘dislike’ Valentine’s Day.  It’s so full of  anticipation and fairytale expectations, it’s easy to fall victim to it’s spell.  After the divorce it officially became my least favorite holiday of the year.  Back then I would take valentines to my mom and granny – showing them love as two favorite people in my life.  But I knew there had to be another reason for not liking Valentine’s Day. 

This year is the first time after the big “D” I have been in a “year long” relationship when coming up on the holiday.  So this year it was supposed to be different, right?

Nope.

This year I fell victim to it’s spell and thought it was supposed to be dreamy, romantic, and special.  (Hey, I’m not proud of it.)  I had sent a text message back in January asking about making plans with Mr. M.  I brought it up in person one other time.  As the weekend drew nigh, the snow changed the Forum Day at G.S. and it changed when the kiddos would be with me instead of their dad.  With all this chaos – Mr. M. figured we wouldn’t be able to do anything (with just the two of us). 

But instead of saying that…or asking about it.  The thought of the day was dropped.  I didn’t want to pester him, and he just assumed it was no big deal.  Back to the spell, though, I thought he would still try to make plans and that it would be as important to him to carve out one hour for us even if it was just in a public place to chat (with no kiddos) since that rarely ever happens.  (Starting to have deja vu? You would think I’d learn my lesson eventually.)

I thought this, and he thought something different.  Without communicating these ‘thoughts’ the whole day was shot – in the foot.  We started the day off with my disappointment being conveyed in frustration and complaints.  He didn’t know what to say.  I wish I could tell you that it wasn’t a big deal… I let it become one, once again.

Well I finally tried to salvage the day by going over with my kiddos to have dinner with him, his boys, his mom and step-dad.  With the whole crowd, it wasn’t what I was hoping for (that silly spell did a number on me); but I did get to see him and I got to give him the card I personally made for him and he gave me the sweetest bouquet of handmade flowers.

Maybe someday… I will get this relationship thing right.  Maybe.

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo credit: Stockvault.net/Creativity103

Who Is This Guy?

I’ve been getting random emails from this guy with the same last name as mine to my Gmail account.  The first one I disregarded as spam, weirdly.  Then I continued to get mail from him, calling me “babe” and would I look at this or would I call such and so.  They read as if he knew me; but he must have me confused with someone else.

The latest one I received and here I quote his email (without giving you the link):

I was going to surprise you with this anniversary gift (since we don’t have kids on the 25^th); but I thought I’d run it by you first.

Isn’t that something… and I was afraid to open the link since it refers to “rollergirls”.  I know it may be nothing risqué … but I don’t want to see what he is thinking about doing with her for their anniversary, quite frankly (just in case).

After getting this one, I just hit ‘report spam’ in Google so it would hopefully place his mail in my spam folder automatically. 

Goodbye, Brandon!  It was nice knowing you….but it’s over between us. Oh and Happy Anniversary!

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit:  http://www.nasddds.org/images/email.jpg

Technorati Tags: relationships,rollergirls,dating,email,spam

Yesterday….

Ok, I left you hanging yesterday…. about my bad morning.  Well don’t feel bad – I also left Mr. M. hanging about why I was in such a foul mood when he called before work that day.  (And in case you are reading this a day late because of your email subscription arrived late, I am talking about the first day of school.  And if you didn’t get an email subscription, why not?  Jump over there and sign up for an email subscription, silly!)

Now, where was I?  Oh yeah – bad morning… well…. it was… to say the least, because….

I got a speeding ticket.

And I am not even going to tell you where or why I was driving in that area which was out of my routine… no I am not going to bog you down with those little details of the why’s or wherefore’s.  I am just going to tell you I wanted to either cry or throw up. 

I haven’t gotten a ticket in several years…ok I have had a few way back in the day… but not recently.  AND they have went up on their fees here in the city!

So my next thought pattern was… How am I going to pay for this!?

You know I have braces to pay for… and with Jas starting high school I had promised to buy him a laptop to assist him with all his studies.  So with trying to find ways to cut back to pay for all that… I didn’t need another surprise blue-light special! 

Well I hate to complain – but it did ruin my morning…. and it took me a while to get over it… but I decided to look on the bright side.  It wasn’t an accident and I was going over the speed limit (because I was in a hurry… but… nope not going to get into that).  So it was my own doing…. but I still felt sick and I still wonder what I can do ‘extra’ to pay for the ticket.

Maybe I can go on eBay and auction off my left arm as a place for tattoo advertisements… what would I get for that?

Any other ideas?

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: speeding ticket,speeding,braces,complaining,bad days,find positive side

Photo Credit: http://www.freefoto.com/images/28/11/28_11_32---Police-emergency-flashing-blue-lights_web.jpg

The Ending and the Beginning

At Kass' end of year ceremony Monday night, they initiated me as the new leader and I was given my "girl scout leader badge".   It was an honor and it was a great night.  They had me to participate in the girls ceremony for the ones that bridged up to Cadettes.  I hesitated while reading one of the parts... because I started second-guessing myself, not about the pronunciation (although I am sure that is how it appeared); but no, it wasn't that. Mid-stream while I am still reading, I started thinking "Am I reading the same part the girl before me read?" Thinking I had lost my place, I started trying to scan the page (again while I am still reading) to make sure I am in the right place.... hesitate on the word, find I am indeed in the right spot... and continue on.  Ok if I can barely manage to "read" my parts in a ceremony, how is this leadership thing even going to work?  Oh well... this should be interesting.

Here Kass got her "string of badges" she had earned this past year...

And now she awaits her new leader/mom to "iron" them onto her sash.... eventually.  I plan to tell her I definitely will get them on before next year's ceremony!

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: Girl Scouts

Secrets... about me (you might not want to know)

I have a few secrets... all of which I can't share, but a few I will... if you promise not to use these things against me... and don't tell my boss!

1.  I use my boss's private bathroom (but only when he is out of town).  It's just too conveniently close by my office not to... (Remember the movie "The Ringer"  that guy got fired for doing such a thing.  So don't tell!)

2. I like my nails cut short... weirdly.  I do love girly things but with my active lifestyle, it's just easier to cut my nails short and keep them easy to maintain.

3. I'm addicted to Burt's Bees lip balm.  And I'm not getting paid a dime to say that.  Recently when I found gift sets of them on sale.. I bought like five... hey, I could give some as gifts.

4. My top fav movies at the moment are: Action/Suspense, Speed; Comedy, The Ringer; and Romance, Love Comes Softly

5. My fav makeup is bare essentials.  (Do you really think they would pay me to say that?)

6. My fav television (the little I get to watch) are TLC's What Not To Wear and Jon and Kate; Discovery's Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe; and anything on HGTV.

7. I couldn't gain 10 pounds if I tried.  I know I have friends that hate me because of this... but it is genetics.

8. I absolutely love tote bags... I would almost say it's a weakness, I have to resist not purchasing one if I see one I like.  And I have plenty on hand for throwing stuff in to lug around... which I do daily!

9. Mr. M. and I have used the 'L' word more than once since two months ago (after dating for a month and a half).

10. Fav author is Donald Miller, fav musical artist is Michael Buble, and fav color is blue or purple, (depending on when you ask me).

11. I am planning to someday get my PMP Certification but I do love my current job... and I'm not just saying that!

12. I have an obsession with hair (mine especially) and have since I was a young girl.

P.S. Mr. M. just shared with me after reading part of this list that my nails aren't that short.  (Meaning they are not as short as his, I guess) but you be the judge.

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: secrets,hair,movies,future,lifestyle

Instant Messaging for Party Poopers

Occasionally I will instant message my sister (Mary) during the work day.  Now you know how I feel about text messaging, but this is about instant messaging... totally different worlds.  She is a stay at home mom and frequently will get on the computer during the day, so we communicate more this way while I am at work.  I was laughing so hard at work today when we finished this latest i.m.  Now I won't bore you with the beginning in which we carried on two different conversations simultaneously (which we do often) where she proceeds to make me think my brother is going to be singing a song at church Sunday and she was actually referring to a party going on at my house Saturday for her daughter...and was being sarcastic about him singing... Anyways that was too complex to even show here and make any sense from it ... but here is where the instant message went downhill....

Mary:  sarcasm kat, sarcasm

me:  i am so confuseeeeed

crazy

booger

Mary:  so how to plan party, most kids older but she should have some game

me:  yes

def

hopefully we can play outside

i know - the game of "don't step on the poop!"

great game

losers  will be messy though

Mary:  since there is actual poop involved lets think of something else

me:  I'll work on it

i like that game

i play it often

and Emmy would like it

making poop pies

Mary:  hopefully you win most of the time

and you call me a booger

me:  or poop goes the weasel

lol

literally

and Jovi can be the weasel

 

Following this, I was ROFL... but perhaps you just had to be here and perhaps you also just have to know how my sister must have been looking at the computer following my game suggestions....so that made it funnier for me.  She didn't even send a reply when I told her I would be posting the instant message conversation on my blog.  Nothing, not even a little smiley face.  Oh well, Happy Thursday, sis!!!  Looking forward to our Party Pooper games....

I kill me.

I seriously do.  Well at least "I" enjoy my sense of humor... even if no one else does!

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: parties,instant messaging

Hearing Voices

I have always had this thing for voices.  You know I admit, a guy's voice was one of the first things I would notice about him, for example.  And I also pay attention at times to how my voice comes across.  Sometimes it's louder than I want it to be - or deeper than I think it should be.. weird.. I know.... I pay attention to weird stuff.  But I like to work at having a pleasant voice and proper dialect, etc.  Just a pet peeve of mine... at least for myself to sound ... well "too southern" or "too lazy" with my English. 

So interestingly....my word for the day from Dictionary.com:

mellifluous \muh-LIF-loo-us\, adjective:

Flowing as with honey; smooth; flowing sweetly or smoothly; as, a mellifluous voice.

The balladeer whose mellifluous voice serenaded two generations of lovers.
-- Margo Jefferson, "Unforgettable", New York Times, December 26, 1999

Do you pay attention to your voice?  Or am I the only weird one...?

Do you have a mellifluous voice?  ......Do you even care?

Ok, ok so I'm goofy.... 

What's something you pay attention to... that's a "little" different?

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: language,learning new words,voices

 

Don’t Pinch Me

“I had a great evening,” he said as we were saying our goodbyes that night. I smiled. I couldn’t believe Mr. M.’s idea of a good evening included the following:

 

• Tacos for dinner
• A trip to Home Depot near my house where they didn’t have the very items we needed even though we found them at a different Home Depot the day before. So we had to improvise which ended up taking an hour at the store.
• Fixing the rails down my front steps, in the dark, with the assistance of a fourteen year old, who, did I mention, has the attention span of a gnat...
• Listening to me reprimand each of my kiddos about an attitude or disobedience.
• Tearing my vacuum apart when it started making a loud grinding noise and helping me fix the problem.
• Hanging up a marker board in my daughter’s room, as we females tried to help him eyeball if it was level or not. (Move it down, no up, on the left side, ok right there, nope…)

Yes that all happened in one night.  I still find myself wondering if this is all a dream. Just don’t pinch me, in case it is.

Find yourself… keeping it real

Photo Credit:  http://img2.timeinc.net/health/images/healthy-diet/fat-pinch-belly-200.jpg

Check Your Child's Homework

This picture originally appeared on blogiversity.org (I think).... but I couldn't resist posting it when it came to me in an email.  Soooo funny. 

The mom works at Home Depot and this is her daughter's depiction of her "selling shovels" just in case you didn't figure that out yet.

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Special Birthdays and Dirty Windows

Happy Birthday Kass!

Today is Kass' birthday.  We won't celebrate until Friday but this is still the special day.  She's ten.  It is so hard for me to believe she is getting to the pre-teen years. 

This means it's been a whole decade since I was sitting in the delivery room, having been induced and ready to push, when I heard all those voices.  I remember I looked over to the big window where the drapes were open and there they were:  It was an entire scaffold of window washers!  I guess they wanted to welcome Kass into the world as well.

Yes, to this day, I use this as my "most embarrassing moment" story.  Guess those guys got their "eyes full" that day on the job.  But one thing is for sure, I always laugh when I recall the glorious day my daughter came into my life.  I already knew she was going to be a special baby, just didn't realize that meant she required an audience at her birth.

Kass, my baby girl, Happy Birthday!!

Find yourself... keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: birthdays,pre-teens,decade,window washers,delivery room,10 years old,childbirth,birth,daughter

Photo Credit: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/107/299802008_a5fb2c9029.jpg and http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2073/2375439389_47c4e2a754.jpg?v=0