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May 10, 2010

Teen Dance, Angst, and Slaps: Oh My

Recently I received an email from a guy we’ll call John.  I had previously posted a blog and he saw it and responded to me by asking for some advice.  Here was the dilemma he experienced:

Dear Katherine,

My name is (John) and I'm 17 years old.  I came upon your blog and  even though you don't have teenagers, I thought you might have some good insight on an experience I recently had.  It involved a girl I had just met at a dance.  We talked for a good half hour and seemed to be hitting it off.  She was very pretty, smart and nice.  We even exchanged email addresses.  I was so excited!

Then, things suddenly went downhill.  I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a imagecompliment but instead she became deeply offended.  She told me I was being "inappropriate" and with a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed. 

As I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, with my friends nearby laughing at me, I was wondering why she was so offended.  She had a classic hourglass figure - busty, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs.  I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. Why can't girls embrace their curves?

Btw, I do have her email address.  Do you think I should send her an apology note or should I interpret the slap in the face as another way of saying she does not want to see me again?  


I have already responded to John, and my advice was to go ahead and try “only once” to email her with an apology.  Even if she didn’t respond I told him he could take away from this experience a newfound sensitivity to communicating with girls.  We are complicated creatures and puzzling when it comes to communication, you know.  Plus we all have our own angst about body image.

This long story short has a happy ending… but what do you think? 

Did she over-react? 

Should guys be more cautious when speaking to a girl he just met? 

What could he have done differently at the dance?

Well in the case with John here, he has kept in touch with me every step of the way: from the email apology all the way to their coffee date they had this past weekend.  For his date he was encouraged by his mom to take the young lady a small token of his heart felt apology (a daisy is what I suggested). 

After sharing a little about their time together on the coffee date,(John) says this is how it ended:

As we were leaving, she gave me a hug and peck on the cheek. I told her it was a big improvement from the last time and she laughed :-)


Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Find yourself…keeping it real.

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