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Aug 19, 2009

Trouble in Paradise

I struggle with being so transparent… but here I share my life as a single mom and relationships are important to me.  I try to learn from each one and try to treat everyone in my life better as a result. 

Sitting on my couch last night I gave myself a pep talk / consolation for what might lie ahead.  I hadn’t gotten a call in hours and so my mind began to imagine what he must be thinking.  My thoughts started with “I can do this… I have done this before… it might take a few more weeks to get over it this time, but…”  Since I hadn’t heard from him, I was having a one-sided conversation and thinking it might be over.

A CONFLICT

Mr. M. and I had a tiff.  I won’t call it down right fight, but we had a misunderstanding. 

I was looking forward to having a weekend with just the two of us because my kiddos were still vacationing with their father and Mr. M’s boys were on a week vacation with their mom.  He normally had them every weekend.  So this was a rare opportunity for us to have a weekend ‘kid-free'.  Mr. M. had already told me he was going to let the main coach know that he wouldn’t be their to assist at Saturday’s soccer practice so that we could potentially have the whole weekend – should we decide to do a day trip on Saturday or something.

WHAT HAPPENED?

Perhaps you as readers here can understand my disappointment when I found out that since the boys are not actually going anywhere with their mother, the oldest will be at soccer practice on Saturday.    And when he found out his son would be there… without any hesitation he told me he would be going to practice on Saturday too and was surprised at my reaction. 

“We can still do something Saturday,”  said Mr. M. 

“But we won’t be able to get an early start for a day trip,” I responded.  “I am just disappointed is all. But, I will get over it.” 

What was I supposed to say? I felt he deserved to know where I stood and why I felt this way.  I was looking forward to having ONE weekend with just the two of us and thought it was a big deal.  But to him I guess I am overreacting but I really don’t know what he is thinking. 

He was silent following my statement of disappointment…for several minutes. 

Then he said he would call later that night.

I went to bed around 10:00 pm not hearing anything more.  He called at 10:30, woke me up and said he just wanted to call before he went to bed.  That was it.  Nothing more was said about the issue.

Now I do understand he wants to see his boys as much as possible and I do appreciate his non-reactive temperament.  But if I cannot feel at least some attempt at a resolution come through conversing on a topic when it arises, I feel we haven’t attempted to understand each other’s position.  Because we haven’t tried to hear each other out.  I spent one marriage sweeping too many things under the rug and have no plans to start that strategy again.  Even little things that come up shouldn’t be ignored.  I like to talk about them.

WHAT’S NEXT?

So we are still communicating.  He called this morning to let me know he was at work… and that he would call later.  But if he truly has nothing to “say” to me about things that disappoint me…. what is the point?

Seriously, should I let this go?  Am I overreacting?

Find yourself… keeping it real.

photo credit:  http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_PWsyVBvNUGU/R1yPn_4-56I/AAAAAAAAAj8/_Je01Isbw-E/S300/sign%2Bsweep%2Bunder%2Brug.jpg

5 comments:

Stalker v1.5 said...

Maybe he was disappointed too but just didn't know how to communicate it? Maybe?

If not, men are sometimes 'we todd did' and that all I got.

My Mindless Thoughts said...

Here is hoping you two can work it out quickly. Sometimes you just have to spell it all out. Explain why you were looking so forward to this time together to him

Momma Sunshine said...

Try to remind yourself that men are simply a whole lot different than women, and you really can't make any guesses about what's going on his head, because there's no way to know for sure. If it were me, I would try to bring up the subject again in the least confrontational manner possible, and try to stay focused on what YOU are feeling here, and see what he does what that.

Good luck and hang in there. *hugs*

Heather {Desperately Seeking Sanity} said...

We are from different planets. It was a miscomuniation and I don't think that you should sweep it under the rug. You were right in expressing your dissappointment. I follow my expression with an "but I understand"

You're entitled to your feelings. I bet he feels bad that you're disappointed. At least that's how the boy is and then for DAYS we're all weird because I'm dissapointed and he feels bad because I'm hurt.

I hate it.

Anonymous said...

Depending on how strong your disappointment was, I'm not surprised he went silent. The question is, Did you prior to the weekend actually tell him directly that this weekend was filled with so much expectation, or did you play it cool, not wanting to express "too much" ? If you aren't being who you really are, then you can't expect the other person to fit you and your feelings or ideas. I've learned the very very hard way that no one is a mind reader!! And men actually do need direct, non-emotional communication. Some of them can be so dense that even this doesn't work. My comment applies to both sexes.

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