If you are a single parent, you can relate that it’s hard to find time to wash the clothes, wash your hair, or even brush your teeth. So if you are going to find time to do the extras like paint your toenails for us moms, you have to make that time, aka "steal" that time from somewhere else. But this was my first date after the dating ban that lasted a total of seven weeks ended Monday night. I had made the decision to get off work 1/2 hour early, go home, shower, wash my hair, and even paint my toenails before meeting my date at my fave restaurant.
But we had a good time, so I have no regrets for taking the extra time to "primp" for him. He was worth it and I came home smiling all the way.
Now here is the rest of the story. First of all this was just a first date. Second I have to keep a small guard up because: a. he has never been married; and b. never been a parent. So my paralysis of analysis kicked in following the great evening as I "rehashed" all the details with a good friend by phone. (Thanks btw.) But the final conclusion was:
1. I am interested.
2. I do want to go out again.
3. I am preparing for the possible I-don’t-want-to-be-a-step-dad-syndrome to kick in.
4. I am guarded and at the same time looking for possible chemistry.
5. I do want to see where this goes but it will be a while before I commit to an exclusive relationship (with anyone).
6. Happy he's local.
7. Did I mention he's local?
Keeping a balance is what the summation of my hour long ‘convo’ came to. A balance between wanting this to work for the sake of a chance at a local relationship with a mentally and financially stable kind of guy and keeping an open mind to what I can learn about him and grow to enjoy about his company and what he can bring to a relationship; or bring into my life and thereby what I can also bring into his.
· Do I have baggage to deal with?
· Do I have insecurities about my next relationship?
· Am I rightfully guarded?
I am thinking working through all these things, is a part of what the journey is about with the right guy/girl combination. When you care about getting to know someone that can eventually grow into caring "about" someone; and with him right down the road, in my book, I just cleared half the battle!
6 comments:
If nothing else, freshly painted toenails just make you feel better. It certainly is difficult to find time to do it, though.
Good luck with date two!
everybody has some kind of baggage...what you have is a mom's heart...you want to be happy and try this new venture...but at the same time...you want what is best for your children and sometimes as I've seen in my mom and sis that means sacrificing something you want....so maybe that would be an insecurity about the future...but you've been through so much and you totally deserve a great guy...I know you enough to know you will go at just the right speed...you trust your gut...btw...glad you got to paint your toenails...nothing wrong with a little primping
Totally relate on the painted toe nail thing. If they only knew how much time it takes us (single moms) to actually go out on a date with him they might understand why we're harder to convince... I have men on 3 week waiting lists. SO funny.
Sounds very promising - just don't worry about anything (then he won't). Stay relaxed and happy with a positive outlook for whatever may come.
Thanks for the comments, everyone. Ms. Single Mama, (a three weeks waiting list, wow!) I am keeping my eyes open and just going to enjoy the ride. Lets see where it takes me... and if it turns into a roller coaster very soon!
OMG... how funny that I read this today... because I'm entering the dating world again after a man strike (although I don't blog about it because I'm too afraid they will find it...)
So...
I'm supposed to go out soon with a guy that I met online. I like him. But I'm guarded. How guarded do I need to be? The same questions that you are asking yourself. The only difference is that he's divorced adn has a kid. So he gets all that... but then there's the whole... does he like my kids thing. But I make them wait to meet my kids... so i guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Very good post Katherine! As a son of a single mother (father died when I was very young) and someone that has dated single moms, I can empathize with what you go through. Based upon input from single mom friends, most guys should consider the instant family scenario before they go out on the first date! Having said that, I am glad it went well, and best wishes for the next date - with freshly painted toenails!!
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