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Apr 27, 2009

Time to Digest and More on the X

Time to Digest…

Over the past month I have been bombarded with some of the rainy days of life, more than just the moisture that falls from the sky.  I’ve been facing the reality that sometimes when you think things are going your way and hopeful, someone can still come along and disappoint or inflict his or her own spin on things. When it seems you finally have all the plates spinning, someone comes along and knocks one of the plates crashing to the floor.

Now I try not to be the X basher around the blogosphere.  I am a firm believer that I would rather spend that precious energy on something positive in nature, on the joys of life instead of the negatives.  But I have had to deal with something that might be worth sharing.  If someone can relate, perhaps it will be of some value.

I have been divorced for four years as of April 11.  My X continues to want to control my life.  Now mind you I said “he wants to,” not that “he does.”

Recently he became aware that I am in a new relationship and he is not happy.  It’s none of his business – but he is still not happy.

When Jas was accepted to Governor’s School, one of his obligations was to participate in a math placement test for screening incoming students.  I requested his dad let the kiddos switch weekends since the testing fell on a Saturday they were to be with him.  I only did this because he lives an hour away and I thought it would be more convenient to switch rather than ask him to bring Jas back on Saturday for the testing. 

Their dad said no about the switch and that he would not bring him to the testing either.  Let me just say I was livid and leave it at that. 

After a couple days – the X came around and said he was willing to switch weekends.  But then when he brought the kids back from their weekend and Mr. M. happened to be at my house at the time, their dad not only tried to cause a scene but refused once again to switch the weekends for the sake of the test.

This is the kind of manipulation that infuriates me.  It’s these moments that I have to beg God to forgive me for hating him.  So then I solicited my friends and family to say a prayer for me and to say a prayer for him to see the injustice he was inflicting upon the kiddos – not me – through his refusal.

I told my son, who’s 14, “It’s up to you to convince him.  I can’t argue with him.  He won't reason with me.  You have to let him know – this is for you – not me.”

Jas did get through to him.  His dad finally agreed to let them switch so Jas could take his test.

My emotions had been through the ringer – up one side and down the other.  I was at peace with the final resolution, but so distraught at what it took to get here.  I am leaving out a lot of the pain and anguish I felt throughout the process, but I think you get the idea.  Now I am looking into my legal rights to make sure this doesn’t happen again when it has to do with school related commitments.

After getting my emotions in check, I then receive more news from another area of my life – unrelated to the X, and I get knocked on my butt bottom again.  As the wind is kicked out of me, I have to wonder “What’s next?”

Following this latest news I just needed time to think, time to digest, to process for myself.  Disappointments come and go and will continue to do so.  But what we do with that information – that is what’s important.  How we deal with it –- what impact is that going to have on the bigger picture of life?  Not just our personal life is affected but the impressionable lives of others are influenced as well.  For this reason I use caution in relaying all of it here… not yet.  I still need time to digest this newest rocking of another “plate” in my life.

But I have to tell you my first instinct is to make myself realize even though my "plates in life’s circus" might get rocked or even knocked to the ground, I have so many good things in my life to be thankful for and to focus on… that is where my attention must be. 

Are you focusing on the good and positive things or the negative?

Find yourself… keeping it real.

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Photo Credit:  http://farm1.static.flickr.com/30/54384090_ee9267e3a2.jpg

2 comments:

Gary "Big Hokie" Cope said...

Hang in there! We will keep you guys in our thoughts and prayers. :)

Shai said...

I completely understand those unwritten emotions you speak of...have had to deal with them a few occasions myself. It is VERY infuriating when the X has moved on with his life, but expects you not to! Hope everything worked out for you.

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