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Sep 22, 2009

Boys and their Toys – What’s a Girl to do?

Who Are These Men?

Men are just little boys in big bodies playing with bigger more expensive toys.

If there is anything I have learned about the opposite sex, is this:  You like to play.

Now let me start right off the bat with this disclaimer.  I love guys…. I do… and I have dated a few over the years since the divorce prior to my serious relationship with Mr. M. and got to know others I wasn’t dating, plus there is this guy I call my older brother.  And this is meant with all due for you ‘ahem’ men… sincerely:  But every one of you… love to play. 

I don’t mean play games in relationships with your GF’s emotions… although some of you do.  That will have to be another post for another day, lol.

Playing With Complex Toys

But I mean you love: playing video games, mastering the latest techno gadgets; making complex paper airplanes that can fly a mile or model battleships with live ammo to compete with out in the river; buying an old car and restoring it to mint condition; building things with power tools; or riding on long boards, downhill, with no brakes. (And if you don’t know what that last one is, check out searching down hill long boards on YouTube… interesting.)

Simply put, you love to keep your hands and minds entertained… from cell phones and all their accessories to dirt bikes in the back woods.

I like to play too, mind you…. but not to the extent you guys do…

Does that mean men having their toys – is a bad thing? 

No.  That’s the short answer. 

But the longer synopsis is:  No, but we need you to understand how to keep balance in your perspective and make that balance a focused choice, instead of empty words.  The games and the playing (whether it’s with cars or boats or computers) shouldn’t take priority over work, for example, nor family, nor other responsibilities (and that includes paying your SO some much needed attention).  Setting aside designated time for “play-time” should be discussed  by both parties in the relationship. 


And ladies, we need to participate in that allotted time for playing… whether it’s competing with the latest video game, or trying our hand at building a new battleship destroyer.  Maybe you don’t like battleship making – as much as the guy in your life enjoys it… but you like spending time with your guy, right?  So instead of fighting it – try to become his playmate and enjoy the ride.

Toy Budget

Another issue to be addressed is if the games and the “bigger toys” result in mounting unnecessary stress on the in the relationship.  This may be an issue that is only true for couples that are married… but I think it needs to be addressed if you are just in the position where you are even discussing the possibility of getting married.  Setup a budgeted allowance for the games and the toys.  Can you both agree on the amount?  Will you respect the budget should you have combined incomes and combined expenses someday?

What Do Women Do?

Does that mean that we women in relationships should just accept this obvious across-the-board trait in our men? 

Yes.  It’s a fact of life… men like their toys.  Men need to play as it’s reiterated and spelled out quite interestingly in Bill Adler’s book,

Women Need Presence

This shouldn’t undermine or justify disregard for women’s needs, however.  We need security.  We like structure… for the most part (remember those unending to-do lists), stability, and your emotional presence.

So as long as you guys will try to: show up, communicate with us, and be stable/dependable like we need in the relationship.  Then I guess we can try to understand your need for playtime and be your playmates once in a while too. (And get your mind out of the gutter, will you?)

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: http://www.working.com/health/gallery+calgary+longboarding+rodeo/1825848/1825892.bin?size=620x400
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