The review is in. My review that is, on the book, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life by Lauren Mackler.
I have been reading this book sent to me for the purpose of doing a review and wanted to share it with my readers here. Some books I get like this, I don’t recommend and won’t post about them. But this one – I do recommend you read it – especially after divorce. However, others whether single or happily married, can glean from the information about ‘finding yourself’ as well. This book outlines a process for not only finding WHO YOU ARE but becoming the person you were meant to be, the type person you would want be with and experience a sense of wholeness instead of looking for a person out there to ‘complete you.’
You have recently heard me dispel the idea of finding your soul mate. This book helps you cope with the realization that you need to develop your own life vision, your own action plan to get yourself into gear and not rely on someone else (an ideal partner) to make you happy. In other words finding contentment with yourself can make you content with your world around you.
This in no way is to suggest that you don’t need relationships in your life. On the contrary the book outlines the very need we as humans have for other people to be in our lives – our outer support system. Solemate has a whole chapter titled: Building an Inner and Outer Support System.
By becoming a whole person it will help you and I to have healthier relationships with a life partner. Working on ourselves, owning our stuff that we have carried around with us since our childhoods, facing that ‘stuff’, and reclaiming ‘our authentic self’ (as Solemate defines it) will make us the kind of people we would want to be with and in turn the type of people with whom our life partner (or future life partner) can have a healthy relationship.
I personally like the idea of taking responsibility for my actions. And no that doesn’t mean you can ‘fix’ everything from within yourself. I try to keep Jesus in the driver seat. But I still want to make that choice to take the hard knocks that have happened in life… and try to learn from those times of suffering. Learn how to become a better person and thereby treat others without judgment (realizing we all have our stuff); that is key.
The Message phrases it this way in Matthew 16:24: The Message
Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? …..
So if you are at a stage in your life where you feel lonely, dissatisfied in a current relationship, or perhaps even shattered following a divorce and you want to put together an action plan for becoming a better you – the whole person YOU were meant to be, check out this book, Solemate by Lauren Mackler, Psychotherapist. If you want to hear more about the book in the author’s own words, check out this interview on YouTube with Lauren Mackler.
You can take the hard stuff in life and learn from it – allowing God to turn your life into something beautiful – “beauty for ashes.”
Find yourself… keeping it real.
