I have always strived to be positive by choice about my single parenting position in life.
I do try.
But yesterday, that afternoon, or precisely at 6:55 PM when I opened my freezer and cold water poured out at my feet, I felt that ‘helplessly single’ syndrome sinking in my heart. I knew my fridge was “going” Sunday when the milk started feeling “cool” but not cold. Yes, I knew then it was not quite right but was hoping it could make it a little longer. Sunday the freezer was still working – I had an icemaker full of ice and all my meats were frozen. Plus I couldn’t deal with it Sunday evening when I noticed it. And of course Monday and Tuesday were already full days with the “big business meeting” for my employer, so it couldn’t be any better timing for a fridge to be going on the blink. I tried to make a quick call to Home Depot on Monday from work but didn’t have time to follow up or check other places before making this large purchase… and again I thought I had some time.
I think what makes me upset about things like this is I just feel helpless, or at the very least painfully dependant on others to step in and help me out. Plus, I start to feel like maybe I really can’t do this, maybe it is all just too much for one adult to handle on a daily basis, it’s those days (few as they may be) that I want to throw in the towel and say “I QUIT!”
So last night when I realized my ice had all melted and my meats were not far behind, I felt like I was melting as I called a friend (TB) to assist with taking my frozen foods… one more time. Or should I say my semi-frozen foods. At a time when I wanted to just sit down and take a minute to relax after two busy days of non-stop meetings, and when I should have been doing laundry to get caught up, instead I ended up filling bags with semi-frozen foods and making arrangements to get them over to the office cafeteria and store them in that freezer. Jan came in while TB and I were there and had the great idea of taking a cooler home filled with ice to use for milk and juice at home temporarily. Thanks to both of them by the way.
Crying doesn’t make the matter any better. I tell myself that every time. But sometimes the tears just come –whether they are going to help or not. I just have to get it out of my system. Then I realize maybe “He” is helping me understand that even though I believe “I can do all things through Christ” that sometimes the “through Christ” part includes reaching out to those around me for a little help and letting them be “Jesus with skin on.” So I will have to allow myself not to have it all together, all the time, all on my own; and that it really is ok. After my pity party, at least, I came to the conclusion it is going to be ok. I mean there are many worse things I could be upset about... it is just a refrigerator.
Today I am going to go check around for a new black freezer/refrigerator that is rated energy efficient with an icemaker and get it delivered to my house as soon as possible. Schedule it, pay for it, do my homework before I pick where I am going to buy it, and get it delivered. And hey, I wanted to get a matching refrigerator for my range oven anyway… just wasn’t planning on that being a part of this month’s budget!
Now it's your turn:
As a single parent, are there moments where you melt down?
Are there moments in your journey when you want to throw in the towel?
Who do you reach out to when those moments come?
Just a glimpse of keeping it real, one day at a time.
5 comments:
every day... every single day... but then i cheer up and move on...
sorry about your fridge, however, it's good to have friends..
now for my drama... i met another guy on match who has kids at my kids' school... this is the 4th... FOURTH... who knew?
All I have to say Kat - is I don't know how you do it! I can't imagine with everything that the last few days have held for you! I think if I would have been in your shoes - I would have sat down in the water that hit my feet and cried.
You shouldn't cry over spilled milk, but crying over a fridge wheezing it's last gasp breath and dumping cold water at your feet - by all means, that's worth a good cry!
It's hard to go at it alone. I try to yield as much as possible, and not resist the changes and problems that are thrown at me. I do occasionally need a hug, though. Stay strong! You'll get through this.
right now i have two sick kids and a sick dog who i've been hauling back and forth to the vet, yeah, it would be nice to say, honey, could you........., usually a good cry helps and then i move on, but sometimes, just sometimes, it helps to throw something, preferably outside.
Oh I think crying over a spilled freezer is perfectly fine. OTOH it may be a guy thing but I'm happy to deal with a broken appliance or a punctured bike tyre. I know just how to do such things. What I find much tougher are questions such as, "Why don't you love mama?" and, "Why do you live on your own?"
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