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Nov 28, 2008

Lessons to be Learned to Love Again

Today I have a guest post from Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject of dating sites.  As I take a break from posting, here are some tips when it comes to getting back out there in the dating world.  You know from my previous posts I have tried online dating and many of the sites she references, (more than I care to admit) I have tried.  But you do have to keep a healthy perspective when it comes to meeting people through these channels and attempting to "get back out there."

Lessons to be Learned to Love Again

By Kelly Kilpatrick

If there’s one thing I don’t regret about the two disastrous relationships I’ve put behind me, it’s that each one made me a stronger person. Now I’m not the kind who believes that it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but I do believe that you can’t swear off love just because you’ve had the misfortune to fall for people who wouldn’t know the emotion even if it bit them on their noses. And yeah, I’m ready to fall in love again, because I love the first flush that comes with being in love, and I love the closeness that comes from being in a relationship. What I’m not ready for is to let myself be taken for a ride again, which is why I’ve decided to:

· Expect nothing: When you expect presents, expect people to do as they promise, expect life to unfold as you want it to, you’re bound to feel disappointed and cheated. When you expect nothing and something wonderful does happen, you’re bound to feel an extra surge of joy.

· Don’t depend on other people to make you happy: Happiness has to come from within, not from the things that others do for you. If you depend on your partner to make you happy, you’re going to be miserable most of the time. Instead, do things that please you as long as they don’t hurt anyone else or involve something illegal.

· Live in the moment: There’s no use speculating about the things that may or may not happen tomorrow. As long as you have today, enjoy it and make it worthwhile. If you want to do something, don’t postpone it to tomorrow or some other indefinite time. When you live in the moment, you don’t feel the need to regret anything that you may or may not have done.

· Not be a doormat: Try to please everyone and you end up pleasing nobody – this was one valuable lesson I learned when I bent over backwards to please the one I loved. I told myself I was doing it for love, but when it became too one-sided, I felt like a used rug that everybody trampled on and forgot about soon after. It’s ok to do things for others, but not at the cost of your self respect. Lay down boundaries at the beginning of your relationship, and if they’re crossed you know it’s time to get out.

· Control myself: I’ve learned that the harder you chase someone, the more you tell them how much they mean to you, the more they take you for granted. Playing hard to get is one thing that took me a long time to learn, but once I got the hang of it, I found that it worked wonders for both my self-confidence and the passion in my relationship.

This post was contributed by Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject of dating sites. She invites your feedback at kellykilpatrick24 at gmail dot com

Photo Credit:  http://thesituationist.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/thing-called-love.jpg


T said...

Love it!!! Great advice!!

(But can I remember it when I really need it???)

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