Love is in the air…

Today I am participating in Heather’s (Desperately Seeking Sanity Blog) Trading Spaces Bloggy Style.   Several bloggers are switching with each other and sharing our thoughts with each other’s readers on (you guessed it) Love.

Below is the guest post shared by Tishia Lee.  Please take a moment to see her definition of Love below and then jump over to her blog, http://www.adventuresofasinglewahm.com to see my post for the day, titled: Love is Personal.  We would both love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

 

Trading Spaces, Bloggy Style

What is Love?

A child always seeking, reaching, trying to please her parents but always coming up short. Nothing she did was ever good enough especially for her dad. As she got older she became consumed with seeking her dads approval, seeking his love only to find that no matter what she did she couldn't make him love her how she wanted. She wanted to feel like a little princess, that she was the most important person on the face of the earth. She wanted to feel him wrap his arms around her and hug all her troubles and worries away. Instead she found it was easier to distance herself from a daddy she couldn't please because her grades were never good enough or her room wasn't clean enough. She found that making him love her wasn't going to happen. Sure he loved her in his own way but it always felt conditional and never like 'I love you just because you're my daughter'.

That girl mentioned above is me. I'm a grown woman in my 30's and the effects of growing up feeling unloved by my dad had some pretty harsh effects on me. In college I found that sleeping with a man was an easy way to feel loved, accepted and special...at least for a little while. Truth be told it always left me feeling more unloved and even 'emptier' in my heart than I did beforehand. And I soon found that men loved me conditionally just like my dad - as long as I was doing what they wanted they 'loved' me.

It didn't take long to build walls around my heart and learn that no one could ever love me unconditionally. Or that no one would ever want to love me like that. Obviously I wasn't worth being loved so deeply by someone. If my own dad couldn't love me the way a child deserves to be loved then why would anyone else? Imagine my surprise when in 2001 I was introduced to Jesus and taught that my Father in Heaven loved me unconditionally - faults and all. Sins and all. That no matter what I had done He loved me. That no matter what I do he loves me.

It's been 9 years since I became a Christian and while I still struggle with knowing that God loves me unconditionally I've seen my perception of love change drastically. When I think of the question what is love I giggle because I don't have the standard answer I used to have anymore (thank gosh!). I used to say it's feeling butterflies in my stomach, it's physical attraction, it's being intimate with someone. Sure those things can still be a part of how people perceive love but not for me anymore. Now a days I find myself answering that question with things that make me stop and think of love and one other thing - my son.

I think of how God loves me regardless of my faults, regardless of my sins. I think about how He knows the number of hairs on my head. I think about how He is so quick to forgive when I mess up. I think about how He doesn't expect anything in return other than me loving him back. And then I look at my son and think about how I love him and would do anything for him and that no matter what he does I'll always love him and suddenly I understand what love is and how God's love is even greater than what I feel for my son.

The moral of all this? To share my story and say that while my dad and I have a decent relationship today my heavenly father is the one that shows me unconditional love. My heavenly father is the one that wraps his arms around me and takes all my cares and worries away. My heavenly father is the one that I put my trust in because I know He will always provide for me and that He will always love me no matter what!

Brief Bio:
Tishia Lee is a 30 something single work at home mom to one child. Her and her son reside in lovely Northern Michigan. Be sure to check out her blog at http://www.adventuresofasinglewahm.com where she writes about her faith, dating, the trials and tribulations of being a single mom and more.

Photo Credit:  sxc.hu \ SexyMama

Now don’t forget to jump over to http://www.adventuresofasinglewahm.com and catch my post for the day, Love is Personal.

Technorati Tags: Love

Guest Post – Me-Time

March is gone. Over. Done. But…since I missed part of it being sick I have some left over me-time / me-month thoughts I wanted to give my readers.  I put the word out that I would like some guest posts for this “me-time” idea – so it wasn’t all about ‘me’.  One of those guests posts follows by Michelle McKinney.  You can find more of her writing over on her blog…http://livelikeurdying.wordpress.com/

Here’s her guest post… about moms taking some me-time:

 

So what about me anyway?

It seems like sacrilege to ask that question if you’re a wife and mother.  But it can largely depend on who your mother role models were.

For some odd reason, I’ve never felt guilty about focusing on myself on a consistent basis.  I believe it is a combination of self preservation, following by example, and/or just plain selfishness.

So what’s this about self-preservation anyway? You know -- the instinct for individual preservation and the innate desire to stay alive.

I have three kids -- 18, 15, and 10.  I’ve always carved time out for myself.  As soon as I could, I’d take them as babies to the gym with me.  I refused to join a gym that didn’t have regular day-care and related kids’ activities. 

Or I would have monthly dinners with my women friends.  These would all be women with children also.  This is something I’ve done with them for about a decade now.  I trained my family early (including my spouse) to be accustomed to Mom having her own activities.

Obviously when they were small I would only take an hour or two to myself.  That would include lunch with a friend, getting my nails or hair done, or just going for a drive.  I recall when my husband was traveling for many days when my children were very small.  By the time he returned, I literally walked out of the house (in my pajamas no doubt) and drove to a restaurant.  I didn’t get out; I just sat outside watching people walk in and out for about an hour.  Then I returned feeling far less like a caged animal. 

And let’s talk about the importance of having “best girlfriends”.  You think your husband is one of your girlfriends?  Think again.  I know plenty of women who are lucky enough to consider their spouse as a best friend.  But the enormous error of not cultivating female friendships will eventually cost you.  Men are wonderful, but marriages are always tested.  The social decision to not cultivate one or two best friendships with women will leave you on an island alone when you’re dying to talk to someone openly.  You cannot just suddenly find someone to share with when a crisis occurs.  Who will you trust?  And who will trust you in return?  I know it’s very unlikely that I would share my business with you unless we had an established friendship history.

Following by example.  Some of this admittedly comes with difficulty for some women.  I know because I have talked to them.  I’ve seen them walking up and down the neighborhood with their dogs, or small kids like zombies because they NEVER take a break.  A couple to their own physical detriment. One is now physically ill with a mysterious and undefined malady.  I’m pretty convinced it is stress related due to feeling trapped and isolated.  She doesn’t have to choose to be restrained and suppressed by her life.  I think sometimes women can get lost in their own dizzying lives and cannot figure out how to change the situation. It’s okay to make those changes and still be a good mother.  I try to talk to her when I can.  It feels like the thing to do.  And again, this is a woman without girlfriends.  Huge mistake.

Pure selfishness.  Okay so I was sort of kidding here.  But not totally.  I figure many moms just feel plain selfish going to lunch with friends and leaving their children with a reliable person.  Well, I’m here to ask you: Why?  Do you really believe you don’t deserve to be a good friend to yourself??  Now, if you leave your kids with an ax murderer, different story entirely.

The fact of the matter is you’d better add yourself to the weekly “to do” list or prepare to have someone step over your dead body some day.  And then what good are you to anyone?  You won’t be a good wife, good friend, good mother, good anybody.

Motherhood is a privilege certainly.  But motherhood is not martyrdom.  Why choose to suffer when you do not have to?  Where is that written?  It’s not going to win you any awards or brownie points.  Your kids won’t be more self assured than another mother who takes “me time”.

Make certain your kids are fed and well cared for.  And then take care of yourself!

Written especially for SOLO dot MOM

About the Author:

Michelle McKinney is from Andover, MA.  She is a working wife/mother of three: ages 18, 15, and 10 and blogger at http://livelikeurdying.wordpress.com.  She is in process of getting her Masters in Technical Writing at Northeastern University, Boston, MA.with a Bachelor's in Public Relations.

****

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Photo Credit: www.sxc.hu:  loleia/702652

Technorati Tags: me-time,motherhood,self-improvement,self-presevation,girlfriends

New Smile, Anyone?

1-800-DENTIST® My Smile Bites! $30,000 Smile Makeover Contest

Are you embarrassed to smile? Would a new smile change your life?

You know recently I have been going on and on about the big expense of getting braces put on Kass’ teeth.  So we all know how expensive dental work can be, right?

Well, 1-800-DENTIST® is giving one lucky winner an opportunity to have a smile that they are proud to show off!

Shoot a 1-2 minute video telling them what you want to fix about your smile. Show them your teeth. Video submissions are through November 10^th at 12N PST. Include details about how your smile affects the way you feel. Include your personal stories.

They truly want to change someone’s life.

To upload your video press this link: http://www.1800dentist.com/my-smile-bites

For Contest Rules: http://www.1800dentist.com/contest-rules

America will help choose the top contestants and 1-800-DENTIST® will select the winner.

Voting is begins November 10 at 12:01PST through December 1, 12:00PST

Winner will be announced December 15, 2009

Find yourself… keeping it real.

Technorati Tags: dentistry,dental work,braces,smiles,1800dentist.com,contests

Holding on to Hope and Faith in Uncertain Times

 

One of my newfound Blogger friends, Gary Cope from My Life on the Z List and SWVA Bloggers has recently hit some "hard" times not unlike many others in the current economic downturn.  I asked him to share a guest post because he has impressed me so much with his great attitude about the "bigger picture."  Below is Gary's guest blogpost (Thanks, Gary, for being so transparent.):

 

 

Holding on to Hope and Faith in Uncertain Times

By Gary Cope

"Times are tough. We have to let you go... today."
Those were the words of an executive at my company last Thursday morning. After 2-1/2 years on the job as a communications specialist with Luna Innovations, I was being let go along with 20 of my coworkers. I had suddenly become one of the "others." You know, as in, "that kind of thing only happens to 'other people'." Not any more ... at least not for me.
My world was rocked to its core. I lost my income, my self esteem and more importantly my health insurance that also covered my 3-year-old son. Not to mention my pride. Suddenly I was having to file for unemployment. I felt like part of me had been stolen away. I felt like less of a man, less of a father and less of a human being. I can honestly say that last Thursday was easily one of the three worst days of my life. Thank God for my family, friends and most of all, my son Nic. Thankfully, I got to see him that night at a Christmas parade and it was such an amazing feeling to see his face light up when he saw me. To feel his little arms around my neck, not knowing or caring that his dad lost his job. It was all I could do to fight back the tears.
As soon as I left the office I called my family and I shed my tears, not so much for me, but for the feeling like I had let down my son and my family. I knew that I hadn't done anything to deserve losing my job, but logic seems conspicuously absent during times like these. I admitted my fears, vented my frustrations and listened to the encouraging words of support from my parents and my friends. And then, I prayed. I prayed long and hard.
After I got home and settled down, I logged onto my computer and went right to work. I filed for unemployment online. It took about 15 minutes and was actually pretty painless and simple. Then, I turned to my social media network and started posting. First to Twitter, then to Facebook and finally to my personal blog. The first post, to Twitter, was at 9:42 a.m., Thursday morning. At 10:44 a.m., I got an e-mail from a reporter at the Associated Press who saw my Twitter post and wanted to interview me about the record job losses during the last month. Being a former journalist, I said, "Sure." She called about 15 minutes later and we talked for 15-20 minutes.
Less than four hours later, I started receiving random e-mails from people who said they saw my story on the front page of the Yahoo News Web site. Then it was Forbes, Newsweek, Fox News, MSNBC, NPR, The Huffington Post - the article was everywhere. E-mails with stories from other people who had lost their jobs and felt the same things I was feeling, but had since found new work and life was getting back to normal. Other stories of loss like a guy whose girlfriend was killed in a car accident and then lost his job when tried to take time off to mourn her loss. The Facebook messages, comments and wall posts were filled with condolences and words of encouragement and support. My Twitter followers (and even some non-followers) also showed support and even offers to help me find a job. I was overwhelmed by, and grateful for the support I received in the days following the loss of my job.
I spent all day Thursday and Friday brushing up my resume and applying for several jobs. Finally, Friday evening I needed a break from the marathon job hunting grind. I stepped back from the computer and turned on the TV. Of course, the news was all about the economy and how dismal things looked. Then I saw a story about three people killed in a car accident here in Blacksburg. That's when it began to sink in. All I lost the day before was a job. Three people lost their lives that night. Three families and countless friends lost someone they loved very much, at least you would think so. And here I was a wreck about losing a job. I began to feel a little guilty for the massive pity party I threw myself the morning I got fired.
Sunday evening, while on Facebook, I saw people posting the usual Sunday night "I'm not ready to go back to work tomorrow" status updates. I used to post those, too. I didn't respond to anyone in particular ... instead, I wrote a simple message that gently reminded people to be thankful that they at least had a job to go to on Monday. It wasn't a criticism or anything of the sort. I simply wanted to remind people to take a moment and be thankful for the blessings they have in life. And in this economic crisis, having a job is truly a blessing.
My friends and family have been great - checking in on me to see how I'm doing. My family especially. They reassured me that they would not let me drown, so to speak. That's what family is for, right? I will make every effort possible to get through this on my own with no help, but it is nice to know that if I get to that point where I need it, I know that I can ask for it and it will be there. Another blessing that many people may not have.
Before I was laid off, I had planned to volunteer with some friends and coworkers at The Montgomery County Christmas Store in Christiansburg on Tuesday, Dec. 9. I debated whether or not to go, but I when I thought about the reasons for not going, they were selfish. This wasn't about me or having to face my coworkers, this was about helping others who are less fortunate than me. So, I swallowed my pride - surprisingly I didn't choke on it - and went to volunteer. The experience was nothing less than humbling. The entire evening put things into perspective for me. Though I lost my job, things could be a whole lot worse. Even with my situation, I am still unbelievably blessed. I see a light at the end of my tunnel, but for many of the people who come to the Christmas Store, they may not see that light.
I talked with one of the lead organizers of the Christmas Store and he said he seems many of the same families come through every year and they just can't seem to get on the right path in life. Why is that? I'm sure there are many reasons and every family has their own set of circumstances, but I realized that evening that I have so much for which to be thankful, even in what I perceive to be some of my darkest days.
Perception and relativity; two words that can wreak havoc on the emotions. I was chatting with a friend who was having a tough day but didn't want to really tell me about it because in her mind, her problems weren't nearly as bad relative to mine. It was at that point that I told her it was okay to tell me about her bad day. And that's where the perception comes in to play. In our own little worlds we perceive our problems to be important to the point we let them bring us down, thus our "tough days." Relatively speaking, no, maybe your problems aren't nearly as bad as someone else's, but that doesn't make your feelings and emotions any less real or important. We still need to vent, no matter how big or small our problems are - perceived or actual; relative or not.
If you are still reading this, then more power to you. I hope that you have gotten something out of my ramblings. That being said, I'd like to close with part of a conversation I had with my friend who commented on my seemingly positive attitude given my situation. I told her the following:
"The Lord has never let me down, even when I was as low as I could possibly go, He brought me back, so even though I've shed my share of tears and felt insecurities the last few days, I know that He has a better plan - it just might involve me taking a few lumps to get there."
It's my faith in God, my family and my friends that will get me through this. That doesn't mean I'm done shedding tears or that I do not have "tough days." It simply means that with my faith and my family, me and my son will get through this. It might not be easy and it might not be quick, but when it is over, we will be stronger ... our faith will be stronger.

Photo Credit:  http://www.adweek.com/adweek/photos/stylus/33243-recession.jpg

Technorati Tags: economic downturn,losing jobs,unemployment,faith

Today I have a guest post from Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject of dating sites.  As I take a break from posting, here are some tips when it comes to getting back out there in the dating world.  You know from my previous posts I have tried online dating and many of the sites she references, (more than I care to admit) I have tried.  But you do have to keep a healthy perspective when it comes to meeting people through these channels and attempting to "get back out there."

Lessons to be Learned to Love Again

By Kelly Kilpatrick

If there’s one thing I don’t regret about the two disastrous relationships I’ve put behind me, it’s that each one made me a stronger person. Now I’m not the kind who believes that it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but I do believe that you can’t swear off love just because you’ve had the misfortune to fall for people who wouldn’t know the emotion even if it bit them on their noses. And yeah, I’m ready to fall in love again, because I love the first flush that comes with being in love, and I love the closeness that comes from being in a relationship. What I’m not ready for is to let myself be taken for a ride again, which is why I’ve decided to:

· Expect nothing: When you expect presents, expect people to do as they promise, expect life to unfold as you want it to, you’re bound to feel disappointed and cheated. When you expect nothing and something wonderful does happen, you’re bound to feel an extra surge of joy.

· Don’t depend on other people to make you happy: Happiness has to come from within, not from the things that others do for you. If you depend on your partner to make you happy, you’re going to be miserable most of the time. Instead, do things that please you as long as they don’t hurt anyone else or involve something illegal.

· Live in the moment: There’s no use speculating about the things that may or may not happen tomorrow. As long as you have today, enjoy it and make it worthwhile. If you want to do something, don’t postpone it to tomorrow or some other indefinite time. When you live in the moment, you don’t feel the need to regret anything that you may or may not have done.

· Not be a doormat: Try to please everyone and you end up pleasing nobody – this was one valuable lesson I learned when I bent over backwards to please the one I loved. I told myself I was doing it for love, but when it became too one-sided, I felt like a used rug that everybody trampled on and forgot about soon after. It’s ok to do things for others, but not at the cost of your self respect. Lay down boundaries at the beginning of your relationship, and if they’re crossed you know it’s time to get out.

· Control myself: I’ve learned that the harder you chase someone, the more you tell them how much they mean to you, the more they take you for granted. Playing hard to get is one thing that took me a long time to learn, but once I got the hang of it, I found that it worked wonders for both my self-confidence and the passion in my relationship.

This post was contributed by Kelly Kilpatrick, who writes on the subject of dating sites. She invites your feedback at kellykilpatrick24 at gmail dot com

Technorati Tags: dating websites,dating,singles,love,relationships,online dating

Photo Credit:  http://thesituationist.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/thing-called-love.jpg