He Woos Me... He Woos Me Not
I wanted him to woo me… but he couldn’t.
“I’m not ready to be a boyfriend.” He finally said it. He finally verbalized what I had known in my heart since the first date, that magical night. (Read more about that first date by going to the link here.) My personal McDreamy, as he became known here on my blog, finally was coming to terms with the fact that he was not emotionally ready to be in a serious relationship, nor did he have time for it while he was in the middle of finalizing a divorce and settling the custody battle. But for closure both of us needed him to make this statement.
We had just finished dinner at my office Christmas banquet and we were in the parking lot at the office where we had met up earlier that night so he could now get back to his vehicle. I had not brought up the subject of “us” all night with intentionality. I wanted the night to be a good time, even though in the back of my mind I knew what the end result would be.
Emotional Distance Was More Evident
Over the past weeks he became more and more distant with fewer phone calls, less text messages and I took the hint and backed away as well. I had even given him an ‘out’ a week before the banquet explaining that if he couldn’t join me for this, I would understand. He had committed to going with me when we had talked about it weeks before, but I was prepared for him to bail on me with the gradual withdrawal I was sensing from him.
“No, I want to go. It sounds like fun and I’m not going to bail out on you.” These were his words when he was given every opportunity to find an excuse or simply say he wasn’t comfortable going. We weren’t a true couple so I knew it could be awkward even if we were getting serious… So especially with the recent distance I knew it could be awkward. But with his insistence to respectfully fulfill this commitment and his not even addressing the distance issue… I let him. It only proved to me once again, I was right about his integrity and character as a person.
Here we were, finally discussing it later that night after dinner. Dinner went well and he made a great guest amongst all my colleagues who welcomed him with open arms and kept him involved with dialogue in the group all night. It was fun. But the ending was far from it.
I handled the conversation well. No tears, no temper tantrums, no stomping and demanding he buck up and be what I wanted him to be… no, I just let him share... finally, from his heart. He was sincere and I could sense he hated to tell me he wasn’t ready. I don’t think it’s someone else and he actually reiterated that in his words that evening, but it didn’t make it much easier.
Moving On
“I will leave it in your court then.” I replied as we finished the conversation before our goodbyes. “But I want you to call me sometime,” he said as he explained his hectic schedule between fifty hour workweeks and taking care of his own 50-acre farm kept him from stopping long enough to stay in touch. “I will,” I said. Then he kissed me: one last soft and gentle goodbye kiss.
It’s over and I knew it when it began… but now that I have faced the music, I can move on.
Find yourself… keeping it real.
