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Jan 17, 2009

Online Dating versus Spontaneity

Online Dating versus Spontaneity free_online_dating_service_250x251

So I like to think I am giving this online dating thing a fair chance… many chances in fact.  But let me give you a few examples of emails I have received from guys… anonymously. 

Each of these are first-time emails from three different guys I have pulled from the list over the last thirty days. 

Email flirt number one (verbatim):  

If you would like to just hang out sometime, that would be great.

I don't have to many friends that can "just hang-out". The ones
I do have are married. (AND they're all girls) Which is cool,
because i find it alot easier to go out with girls then guys.

SO, if your ever interested in going to the flea market, walk
the mall, go to a movie, lunch...ect let me know.

Have a Goodnight

Email flirt number two (verbatim):  

So I happened to be on POF last night and saw your profile. I've had my third date in a row with someone I would have to say is incompatible with me. She decided that between the appetizers and the main course, we somehow had committed to each other. She had driven to my house prior to the date and upon returning, asked if I could put my 16 year old dog in the back yard on the coldest night of the year as she was scared of dogs. Needless to say, I told her that I thought we had grown apart somewhere between dessert and arriving at my house. I thought the best thing we could do is go our separate ways. It's alright though; we're still going to be friends. Anyway, seriously, I thought you seemed very interesting. I moved from the DC area recently. I had a medical practice but found it to be very difficult work as a physician there. I was mainly at the Washington Hospital Center as well as Suburban Hospital in Bethesda. Trying to cover both those hospitals was very difficult. I moved to Charlottesville, VA about one and a half years ago and started a neurosurgery program at the local hospital here and all in all it's been a great move. It is my hometown so I know the area very well. Living in DC was great in some ways. It let me hook up with relief agencies so that I can travel with them and provide much needed medical care to the most needy places around the world. I can only get away from my practice 2-3 weeks at a time but enjoy the experience immensely. I have gone to India mainly aid organizations and the sense of satisfaction I get from providing medical care to folks who would not otherwise receive it is very edifying. I enjoyed your profile and found you to be very beautiful as well. I am very busy and don't seem to meet anyone outside of the hospital or medical field. My email is ******@yahoo.com. Let me know if you are interested. And don't make my dog go out in the cold- have a heart.

Email flirt number three (verbatim):  

  First let me say I love your smile. I have to tell you that I don't have any cool lines or sayings or anything like that. I too was married, a long time and now I am just starting to date. I was married over 20 years before she walked. It's ok I'm not bitter I even hope to get married in the future angain. I am a hopeless romantic, my favroite movie is the 1996 re-making of "Romeo and Juliette." I spent most of my life in the military, I was an Airborne Ranger until I was injuried on a parachute jump. I am hoping that I can become your friend then your best friend then who knows. however I do have a confession to make. I am very nervious about dating again. See in the past I have only dated one person and I married her, I have only had one long-termrelationship, one sexiual partner, one, well i am sure you get the picture. With all this being said, I have also helped raise my 4 children. Lastly, I would never ask you to change your life, just allow me to come along with what ever you have going on and join in with you, I would love to talk with you more some time. Are you interested?!?!?!?

Now I have to defend this strategy somewhat because I have made some good friends through this channel of meeting people.  

I often share that I do have some good experiences and meet up with some really great guys, as you know, if you have read this blog about McDreamy or this blog about my friend Brooks.  But I have also met some “different” kind of guys that became just short of irrational or turned out to be stalkers.  We also know from my recent blog there are several success stories  – that are real – and not just some fairy tale commercial for a dating site.  So it can happen… it does happen. 

And there have been those I just simply chose not to meet in person… because of the “vibes” I would get from phone conversations that deflect me early in the process.  

But isn’t it ok to keep trying? 

Or am I doing the same thing the same way just to find out I end up with the same results?  (hmmm isn’t that the definition of insanity?)

How can I approach this differently in order to gain more from the experience?

Do I just look harder when I am in the coffee shops, the grocery stores, and the hardware departments?

I am not going to elaborate on my reaction to the three emails above, but I would like to hear what you think.

How would you respond to email #1?  #2 #3?

What’s been your personal experience with online dating?  Come on… if you want, you can even share and leave your comment – as anonymous.

Find yourself… keeping it real… (and keeping your eyes open!)

Photo Credit:  http://www.gig2us.com/wp-content/uploads


Anonymous said...

I am not back in the dating pool yet, but the advice I have gotten was go find something you love to do or feel strongly about and you will find people you are drawn to there.

Haven't tried it yet, but just my two cents.

cherub*wishes said...

I love your blog!! I just linked over from the video post by MsSingleMama.
I just recently decided to give online dating a try.
LoL!! I'm sure it will be great for a couple of laughs, if nothing else ♥

Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity said...

well you know how I feel about online dating... :)

however, with that being said, i think you should keep looking. i decided to stop looking and barely missed the boy. I think God uses online dating to pair people, but you'll know. Besides. The stories are great blog fodder... :D

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

i don't think you should give up on this avenue just yet. yeah, there are some weirdos, but not all.

the first e-mail might be the only one that i would respond to. maybe #2, but #3 is a little weird for me. i hate the whole "look how cool i am" stuff. it's like name dropping. yuck.

and i agree with heather - it's good blog fodder!

Online Dating said...

I think love and support are very significant requirements of a human being. So everybody looks for a permanent mate. We should first ask ourselves that what kind of relationship we want. Definitely honesty is the key for any good relationship and same applies here. After all it’s your decision how to make the most of your time you spent online. Generally online dating sites are really helpful for singles looking for real and honest partners for long term relation.

Heath said...

Online dating is a very good option, but you need to take a few precautions as faking is easier online.

Discrete dating site for those married , or in a relationship,
and looking for someone married or in a relationship.

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