I have this friend....
Don't you love stories that start out that way?
But seriously, I do have a friend that is going through the initial proceedings of....divorce. She has been separated for at least a year now, and she has not seen a "true" change on the part of her husband, so she decided to "turn the page" and "start the next chapter in her life," (if I may pull quotes from the recent Jon and Kate announcement). My friend came to that same place in her life as Kate and wants to "move forward."
So what's new about her situation? You hear about this all the time, right?
Well unique to my friend's case - but not so unique to me, is the fact that she is getting a divorce in a family who was raised to not BELIEVE in divorce. So she has been dealing with all the ramifications of what her closest loved ones "think she should do" and how disappointed they are with her decision... instead of open arms of understanding and empathy for her having to take this course - this journey that she hadn't planned on when she walked down the aisle just a few short years ago. Even though more than ever right now, whether you agree with her or not, she needs support and encouragement, not a sense of reprimand and disapproval.
So what can she do?
My advice was take time out to consider her families thoughts, digest them, and then confront them. I think they need to sit down and discuss it as a family giving them an opportunity to own up to their own feelings but then require they listen to her side of the story. (Her family is defined as her mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law. She has no children in this marriage.) But she also has to give herself a chance to be emotional and share her heart, and not think of that as a sign of weakness. I am hoping she will make an opportunity for this conversation to happen. It will be a rough one, but I believe a necessary one in the cathartic process that needs to take place.
Any advice for this friend of mine as she deals with her family's disappointment in her big D?
Now I know I am keeping the details of how she came to this conclusion for her decision as well as the reasons behind their separation vague, but it is with reason. She would want to remain anonymous... and right now the reasons aren't as relevant as the fact that she has taken a year to weigh out her options and consider the actions of her husband and this is the decision "she" made based upon what she has been through. Only she knows what went on behind closed doors and what came to light in her situation as things were revealed in her marriage. So for that we have to trust her and her decision. At least that is my opinion.
Just like the song says, "...sometimes goodbye IS a second chance," a second chance at living for her; and a second chance to prove "true change," for him.
Share your comments....
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Find yourself... keeping it real.
1 comment:
There is something, perhaps, to be greatful about having a family that does not believe in divorce. The belief has led your friend to take a year considering the right thing to do. Her family's attitude led her to take that year to really think, and not just jump to a rash decision of divorce. Though she has still chosen divorce as the best option for her, perhaps thanking her family for influencing her to take the decision so seriously will let them know she didn't take her marriage lightly. But they've got to trust that only she knows what is best for her now, and she needs to trust in herself that she's doing the right thing, knowing she gave herself time to come to her decision.
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