Well the list continues from my previous posts on what I wish I had been told before I got married. I hope you are gleaning from these tips. Please feel free to comment and add your own, or provide feedback about these ideas. I would love to hear from you!
5. BECOME PLAYMATES:
(Remember the blog post about Boys and their Toys?) A book was written about this very idea titled, Boys and Their Toys: Understanding Men by Understanding Their Relationship with Gadgets by Bill Adler. It is intended to help women understand men by understanding their need for toys and gadgets.
I have skimmed this book, but plan to read it because it has some great parallels that can open your eyes to understanding personality traits of your man based on what ‘toys’ or gadgets intrigue him and why. Since they need this outlet of “playtime,” playing with your guy can nurture your relationship.
Try taking time out and getting involved with your guy’s favorite toys. Does he like to play video games, for example? Take some time to play the games with him – then he may be more responsive to compromise by giving you some time to communicate with each other.
6. KEEP YOUR IDENTITY:
Even though you are a couple you should continually work on becoming a whole person. It’s true you aren’t single anymore – but you need to keep your identity and continue the process of becoming the person you want to be with.
Don’t say “I have arrived: I am in a relationship so I don’t need to work on knowing who I am as a person anymore,” nor fall into thinking “I have this issue, but my spouse offsets it – he or she completes me.” You should continue to improve upon the person you have become. Continue learning about who you are.
We all have stuff to deal with – owning it (acknowledging it exists) and working through it are still our jobs as individuals. Besides, if you don’t keep your own personal identity in tact – you may be prone to extreme co-dependency which can cause problems for your marriage.
Don’t take that to mean I am advocating self-centeredness or selfish acts. Quite contrary to that notion, I am simply warning you against becoming so dependent upon your spouse that you cannot even go shopping or to do an outing by yourself because your self-worth relies upon that spouse, outside of your control.
In my own experience I was in a marriage with a man who had become not only possessive of me but also obsessed with me. He would not let me go anywhere by myself or have activities with friends on my own; in turn, I became less and less confident that I could do anything alone or have friends. It was a vicious cycle and it took effort to break that cycle in order to be released from it’s grasp.
Please check out the other posts in this series of things I wish I had known when I got married:
Find yourself… keeping it real.