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Nov 6, 2009

Change Is Coming

Continue to Embrace Change

Life is changing.  Whether we like it or want it or create it or NOT, changes in life happen.  We can’t stop it.  We might as well embrace it, enjoy it, and make the most of it.
I try to do this. I don’t like the thought of my kids growing up and one day leaving me to start life on their own; but I know it’s coming. That’s change; change that I can mold in the making by instilling in my kiddos today what will carry them into their future as adults. It’s the whole point of parenthood, right? It’s my obligation in parenthood.  Embracing the changes that I know are coming in the future can inspire me to take advantage of every waking moment, every opportunity of influence; and try to make the most of them with my kiddos.

New Relationships

But what about those changes that you do control? These are changes like moving to a new city or just to a different neighborhood where the kiddos will go to different schools. Or changes like bringing new relationships into the picture and exposing your kiddos to bonding with a person you just recently started getting to know.
Dating is one of those things we control as single parents. We control the timing; we control the depth of it. It’s normal to be tempted to ignore all the logic in waiting to introduce your kiddos till you really know someone you are dating. I was and still am a stickler on this one. I strongly encourage anyone as a single parent to wait till you know this guy (or girl) is a serious deal before having the kiddos to meet him or her.  You don’t want your kiddos to meet a different guy (or girl) every other weekend while you are still sorting out your definition of your own dating life and who’s who and who is a potential relationship.
But once you make the decision you have dated someone long enough or been with them on enough dates, to where you feel it’s ok for your kiddos to meet this new guy (or girl); this person is now a part of your kiddos’ life. Like it or not, once you make that choice… the journey of their developing relationship begins.

Getting Serious

As that relationship, that you introduced, develops over time and gets serious, it leads to more and more change. But these are changes that you control, once again, because you are in the driver’s seat when it comes to the timeline of your new relationship.  So you have to keep your head engaged and guiding you through the journey… not just your heart.  The heart may cause you to speed up and then you might just end up with a or worse. 
Don’t ignore your heart… but keep it in balance with the logic involved as well.  Remember that time – that wasn’t right for me, nor for him?  Instead I pulled myself back down to earth, faced reality, and logic kicked in.  But I digress….bookshelf
There are as I have shared. But I have decided to put graduate school on the shelf for the time being. The anxiety attacks in the middle of the night were whispering to me that now may not be the time. With the investment (student loans) and all that comes with advancing my degree to a master’s degree, I don’t think I can add it to my plate with other “unknowns” on the horizon at the moment. I want to keep my sanity and my composure intact a little while longer.
Right now I am holding back on sharing everything going on in my little world. According to my fortune in last night’s Chinese fortune cookie, I am supposed to “Keep my plans secret for a while” or something like that.
But, I will tell you I started going to counseling again yesterday - I am now seeing someone from a different practice than where I went after the divorce. But I like this guy. He’s blunt and makes me face some hard questions about my future.
If you think I am speaking in riddles and getting a little too deep for a Friday post…. You’d be right. I don’t mean to sound vague. But essentially I wanted to share a little about what is on the horizon of my life, as the mysteries remain (even for me) as to what that horizon actually holds.
Find yourself… keeping it real.
Photo Credit:  http://itp.nyu.edu/projects_documents/1179008282_1177129345_thesis_preshow4.jpg
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