I hate admitting that I don’t have it all together, don’t you?
The SINGLE MOM Life
I shared with you recently about all the whirlwinds going on in my life, all the changes, new responsibilities, and new horizons I have decided to embark. With my life, as a single mom and working through many of life’s hurdles along the way, I thought I had everything functioning in tune like a well oiled machine. My lists are set and being checked off regularly as new lists are made. I have my budget that I live by. Our little life, with just the three of us was down to a science, finally.
I Met HIM
Then I met Mr. M. And for the most part he fit into the tiny space I made for dating. Then dating became a relationship and then later a serious relationship. He started stretching my little corner I had cut out in my world for a new man in my life as our lives became blended together spending more and more time together. This isn’t stretching in a bad way…but stretching me all the same.
So in some ways, I guess my lack of sleep and focus on the whirlwinds are a part of the growing pains; growing pains as we consider the future, our future.
But back to what I was saying, I like to think I have everything together. I want to think that no matter the changes going on around me in my world, especially when they are changes that I chose, that I can calmly, peacefully, and with clarity move forward and walk through the journey of getting from point A to point B. This path may be chaotic and overwhelming when I stop and think about it right now, with graduate school and getting my house ready for the market; but I chose to do this. I want this for my future; and I want this for our future. So why all the anxiety?
Anxiety Still Happens
With the anxiety levels on the rise, I had to talk myself down from the ledge and remember: me and Jesus… we CAN do this. Seriously, why not!?
Last night (before writing this) I got about three hours sleep. And lately I haven’t slept well, better than three hours a night, but not well. I started thinking… maybe there is something wrong with me physically. But then after talking about this with two of my best friends, they pointed out…(the clarity I was looking for) that with all these things going on, school and other changes in my future – it was inevitable that I would feel stress.
Stress? But that comes from worrying, and I’m not worried….. or am I?
Life is a PRESENT
When you think you have your pretty little package of a life, all wrapped up and tied with a bow; and then you decide it’s time to rip the paper off and break it open… perhaps that would make one worry, just a little.
But isn’t that what presents are for? Isn’t it normal to excitedly rip the wrapping off of them and open them up to see how they work and what you can do with this shiny new thing you have been given? A new life… I guess that is what I am about to embark upon – a new stage of my life.
Present or not, making all these changes still scares the snot out of me. So of course, that explains why I have been waking up, panicked and out of breath….
Am I jumping ship with all these changes or just stepping out of the boat and trying to walk on water by faith? I pray it’s the latter but I am feeling the panic like it’s the former.
What do you do when life starts to feel overwhelming… taking your breath… taking your sleep?You know how I love my sleep.
Personally, I am praying about all this, talking it out with my friends, processing my upcoming decisions about when I should start graduate school, for example, and still making my lists. I have also decided to see a counselor again. It’s all good… and if I plan to be one, then what’s wrong with seeing one right?
Share your comments below…. life and it’s stresses… it happens. What are you going to do about it?
Find yourself… keeping it real.