When I was single (hey even while I was married) I used to ‘dislike’ Valentine’s Day. It’s so full of anticipation and fairytale expectations, it’s easy to fall victim to it’s spell. After the divorce it officially became my least favorite holiday of the year. Back then I would take valentines to my mom and granny – showing them love as two favorite people in my life. But I knew there had to be another reason for not liking Valentine’s Day.
This year is the first time after the big “D” I have been in a “year long” relationship when coming up on the holiday. So this year it was supposed to be different, right?
This year I fell victim to it’s spell and thought it was supposed to be dreamy, romantic, and special. (Hey, I’m not proud of it.) I had sent a text message back in January asking about making plans with Mr. M. I brought it up in person one other time. As the weekend drew nigh, the snow changed the Forum Day at G.S. and it changed when the kiddos would be with me instead of their dad. With all this chaos – Mr. M. figured we wouldn’t be able to do anything (with just the two of us).
But instead of saying that…or asking about it. The thought of the day was dropped. I didn’t want to pester him, and he just assumed it was no big deal. Back to the spell, though, I thought he would still try to make plans and that it would be as important to him to carve out one hour for us even if it was just in a public place to chat (with no kiddos) since that rarely ever happens. (Starting to have deja vu? You would think I’d learn my lesson eventually.)
I thought this, and he thought something different. Without communicating these ‘thoughts’ the whole day was shot – in the foot. We started the day off with my disappointment being conveyed in frustration and complaints. He didn’t know what to say. I wish I could tell you that it wasn’t a big deal… I let it become one, once again.
Well I finally tried to salvage the day by going over with my kiddos to have dinner with him, his boys, his mom and step-dad. With the whole crowd, it wasn’t what I was hoping for (that silly spell did a number on me); but I did get to see him and I got to give him the card I personally made for him and he gave me the sweetest bouquet of handmade flowers.
Maybe someday… I will get this relationship thing right. Maybe.
Find yourself… keeping it real.