Is love just a word or a connection over time?
I have shared secrets to making love last… lasting even a lifetime. (If you haven’t read that post you might want to start there first.) But what is “love” really?
I watched Matrix Revolution again the other day, and this scene’s dialogue caught my attention:
Neo: I just have never...
Rama-Kandra: ...heard a program speak of love?
Neo: It's a... human emotion.
Rama-Kandra: No, it is a word. What matters is the connection the word implies. I see that you are in love. Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?
Rama-Kandra: Then perhaps the reason you're here is not so different from the reason I'm here.
Is love as simple as a “connection”? I think it is safe to say it is something that develops over time (unlike simple chemistry) and evolves into more than an emotion. So is love still a connection? It defines a connection between two people… but isn’t it more than that? Isn’t it more than what a computer program could somehow appreciate?
I have to say yes, it is more. It is believing in someone and understanding their needs; placing their needs above your own. As a Christian there is one “ultimate” example of true sacrificial love. But what about our personal relationships? Do we practice this type of love in our relationships?
What would you sacrifice for that love?
I love my children. They are the world to me and truly encompass the idea of genuine treasures. I would do anything for them… sacrificing for them without giving it a second thought. As mothers it is in our nature – our innate nature – to do this. We give them seconds and thirds at the table if they are hungry even if it means doing without half of our first helping, if necessary. (With a hungry growing teenage boy – I know what I am talking about.)
Of course we should strive for this type of love when it comes to other relationships as well, right? Are they considered to be a lower level of devotion than the love between moms and children? You should feel (after time has allowed for the relationship to become serious, mind you) that you want to place the needs of your significant other above your own. Isn’t that the natural evolution of a serious relationship? It should be.
I personally feel that time is the key factor in these statements. Your devotion and willingness to sacrifice is something that will grow over time for that other individual. But I don’t think it happens immediately upon meeting them, or upon being attracted to them (chemistry).
So if our first question is, “What is the definition of love?”; the next question might be, “How much time does it take to develop that type of devotion and sacrifice for someone?”
I also think It develops through intentionality as well. You have to be interested enough in the early stages of the relationship to “choose” the path of evolving devotion toward that person. Perhaps this is where the “chemistry” comes in.
- So first comes some level of chemistry – attracting you to that individual.
- Next you make a decision based on logic whether this individual matches your list of “must haves” in a relationship.
- Third you choose a path of allowing that relationship to evolve (or not) into something more serious.
Even though this is breaking down these stages of a developing relationship (love) into simple steps, we still have to keep in mind that the time involved in these steps varies for us as individuals. But how long before we know – this is Love – and this is “the one to last a lifetime?” One year? Three? Five?
After being in my relationship with Mr. M. for a year now, I asked myself this question.
How much time do you think it takes for a lasting LOVE to evolve?
Share your thoughts in comments below.
Find yourself…keeping it real.